Have you ever conversed with a person who indirectly cuts you down? Negating your dreams? Dissing your hopes?
Perhaps, you share what you are working towards and they reply, “Ya, I’ve been there; it didn’t work out because (list: the 100 reasons why)” Or, you share vulnerably and the person suddenly turns the story back around to themself. Maybe even, you let them know details about your child that makes you a little nervous and they expand on the conversation with a horror-story — that only compounds your worry.
We cannot control people’s reactions, but we can ask ourselves wise-questions before we share things with people:
– Is God calling me to share this story, right now — with this person?
– Might this person respond with advice or insight that is driven by fear, jealousy, worry or comparison?
– Does this person usually offer Godly perspectives, wisdom, and encouragement?
We don’t have to share everything — with everyone. We reserve the right to use: wisdom.
At the same time, of course, we know, no one is perfect. In fact, many times, even the best of Christians will have poor responses (I’ve made these mistakes too). Grace abounds.
In light of this fact, let’s flip the tables for a second — to look at our own self…
Ask yourself: How do I respond when people share their heart — with me?
1. Do I listen?
2. Do I consider what God wants me to say before I speak?
3. Do I put away anger, or other negative emotions, until I have fully processed, with God, what is being said? So that I can speak from a place of love?
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19)
Prayer: Father, it is hard not to react. However, I ask you to give me the grace to listen before I speak, to understand before I counteract, and to gain perspective before I claim to know it all. Give me your vision for the people and the issues that come towards me. May I be your mouthpiece, for your glory and for your purpose — all the time. Teach me in your ways. Lead me in wisdom on who to share with and what to say. And, may I be both careful and tender with other’s hearts. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
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Excellent advice. God had us on the same wave length this week. This must be a message He wanted to emphasize just now. I wrote similarly, but within the context of moms discouraging rather than encouraging younger moms. I love how you expanded this truth to cover so many other scenarios.
I so appreciate this post. It is hard when someone responds in a way that hurts, but the truth is we do need to use wisdom.
“We don’t have to share everything — with everyone.”
Amen!
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I’ve been reading and writing lately on the topic of discernment. It does seem that so much of life is balanced on the questions of “what” and “how much”? Praying for wisdom could actually be a full time job…
I recently taught a parenting workshop and as I was preparing I thought a lot about how important listening is in our parenting. But it also made me think a lot about being a better listener and a better responder in all my conversations, as you shared here. We need to remember your wise words all the time. It is so easy to get focused on ourselves and not the other person. Thanks for hosting!
This is an excellent post so full of wisdom. I will be sharing and writing down your points to post somewhere where I will see them on an ongoing basis. Thank you. Maree
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Thought provoking wisdom today. laurensparks.net
I grasped some valuable nuggets from your post today. Wisdom. We do need to be discerning and prayerful before sharing our heart with anyone. Often, I walk away with some discouragement or regret from sharing. Thank you for the lesson.
I recall the verse about throwing our pearls before swine. Satan loves to use people to hurt our faith. We have to be on guard against this. Great tips.