“I left God because I decided God wasn’t good. I don’t believe God anymore.”
My heart sank and compassion flooded my chest as I sat on this man’s couch, listening to words like this. Maybe, just maybe, he could believe again.
Of course, I understood his feelings. His very own child died young in an unneeded way.
How could this happen? Why would it happen? These are questions he wrestled with. That many wrestle with.
I couldn’t blame him. In some ways I related to this man. After so many incidences of hardship, while I’d hardly say it, my feelings danced around the question, “God, can I really trust You now?” God are You really good?
At least the man was forthright and honest, not hiding and pretending. I had to give that to him.
I don’t think he is alone in his questions, maybe some of us have wondered:
“If God was good, why would this happen?”
“If God loved me, wouldn’t He take care of me better?”
“If God was God, couldn’t He have stopped this?”
“Can I really trust God?”
How do we contend with this and continue to trust God?
My friends, I do not pretend to know everything. I am also just a sheep in the sheep pen called, “Learning with God.” However, I have come to a couple of things that bring me solace. They are:
1. I will never understand everything, nor should I. I don’t know how He makes the sun come up every morning, or the lightning crack in a way that pierces my ear, but I do know that He knows what He is doing.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. (Prov. 3:5-6)
2. God remains good constantly, continually and faithfully. God is good as much as my eyes are hazel. I may be able to cover or contort the truth, but the truth remains – my eyes are hazel. The truth remains, despite the devil’s contortions or our perceptions – God is good.
“For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” (Psalm 100:5)
3. Every promise and word of God proves true in the end. We may not see how it all works together now, but in the end, we will see all things were working together for our good because we loved Him and were called according to His purpose.
“Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to him for protection.” (Prov. 30:5 NLT)
4. We look at today, God sees tomorrow. We see a now-time story, God sees the end-time story. We see our perspective; God sees everything and all the little strings He is tying up together to make all things work for myriads of generations.
“Your faithfulness extends to every generation, as enduring as the earth you created.” (Ps. 119:90)
Many judge God in the middle of their story, while, like any good Hallmark story, God has a grand finale! Don’t give up; He is working out the endings. Believe in the goodness of God. You are not dying or drowning, believing in the goodness of God. You can still trust Him.
NOTE: Some have emailed me about the Transformation Retreats; I have not been getting all emails. There was a problem with my email server, but the problem is fixed!!! I set up a new account. If you have messaged me, please message again by responding to this email. We should be good to go now. Or, email me at kelly at purposefulfaith dot com
We still have space for the Intensive Prayer Transformation Weekend.
I love you all!
Prayer: Father, some days, my feelings try to tell me you are not good. I know that my feelings are not My God, they are just indicators, they are pointers to my greater need, for You. Forgive me for making my feelings Lord more than You, Your Word and Your heart for me. I ask you to help my unbelief and to increase my faith. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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He doesn’t, some days, love you… He doesn’t love you only after you nobly bought a home-baked meal to a cancer patient. He doesn’t only love you when you went out of your way to carry an old lady’s grocery bags to her car. He doesn’t only love you when you had a beautiful, candle-lit moment with God and then kept worship songs on during the day.
He loves you.
He loves you on your good days.
He loves you on your bad days.
He loves you when you are at your best.
He loves you at your worst.
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)
Your mess-ups are never bigger than God’s love. Your conception of how bad you are doing is never greater than the price Jesus paid. In fact, the price Jesus paid actually paid for grace, for you. Grace is the highway back on track with God; not only that, but His unmerited favor, like wind behind your back, goes with you.
Don’t discount yourself.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Don’t deny that God still wants you.
Don’t believe that His grace is broken on account of you.
It is not. The devil is a liar.
You are all right with God, thanks to Jesus.
God gave you Jesus’ rightness, so that you could always come back on the road of righteousness and obedience, with ease.
“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” – 2 Corinthians 5:21
Oh, isn’t the grace of our Lord Jesus so amazing?!
If you feel off track, repent of sin, receive His grace and hop back on the highway of holiness.
If you feel left behind by God, humble yourself, release mistruth and run back into His arms.
If you feel unwanted, ditch the sob story and receive the fact that the Holy Spirit chose to make His dwelling place in you (1 Cor. 6:19)
God wants you, God wants you, God wants you. Period. Exclamation point.
God’s grace is enough to make you right in God’s sight even when you feel horribly and terribly unlovable.
Glory to God!
Praise to the Lamb!
Jesus died with arms wide open.
Always waiting for your grand return.
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Heart-thumping, my mind tracked to the worst-case scenario. Oh great. He’ll need stitches now. How will I grab my stuff to leave this camping trip (with all the kids I’m supposed to be chaperoning) to get him to the hospital?
My mind was living miles ahead of where I was presently seated. That’s what worry does to a mind.
All the feelings of my insides demanded that I rush up to my son, tightly wrap my hands around his finger and compress it, maybe while internally freaking out a little… Instead, I sat on that dirty picnic table plank of wood with my lips zipped. I knew better than to rush in. Keep quiet, Kelly.
The leader, the skilled trip teacher, addressed my son, “Michael, you’ll be fine. Apply pressure and come back in 20 minutes if it is not better.”
I implored my heart to be still. My 13-year-old son rushed off to the woods or wherever 13-year-olds go when in the wild.
The teacher then asked me, “Kelly, was that hard for you as a mom? He’ll be fine.”
Ummm…YES!!! I wanted to scream. It was brutal.
“I have been working on believing the best, instead of immediately expecting the worst,” I told the man. “With my son, I saw myself rushing to the hospital before the worst even happened. But I am challenging myself now to believe he will be fine, instead of expecting everything will go horribly.”
It is easy for me to think things will go bad, to bunker down and to prepare for the worst, but God challenges me, because loving others is actually believing for their best.
“If I love people, I will always accept their problems. I will always believe them. I will always hope for what is best. I will always be patient in troubles.” (1 Cor. 13:7 Easy)
Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. (1 Cor. 13:7 AMPC)
I love my son by hoping the best for my son. I detract from my son by worrying, disaster planning, and by quickly jumping in.
I wonder, are any of you like me? Do you ever jump in early? Build story lines in your mind before they even happen? How might you more greatly love people as you trust God in those gaps? What would it look like to do this?
Twenty minutes passed. Thirty minutes. With no sight of my son. The teacher was right; his finger would be just fine.
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I never considered this point, but they’re right. Anger is the violent upheaval of order in exchange for the wild reaction of man. Everything gets out of order as wildness is released.
I know I get angry sometimes. Mostly it is when I know what people should do and they don’t. Or, when what I thought would happen, doesn’t. Or when what I wanted to say is not heard. Apparently, anger is also pride. It’s upheaval about what we cannot control.
What makes you angry?
Is it when you do your best and you are misunderstood? When you teach your kids and they don’t obey? When someone disagrees? When someone triggers you?
You know, Father God could have been angry at us. Before Jesus, we as mankind, chose idols and natural kings, bad mindsets and sin, affairs and rebellion, besides Him.
God had every reason to be angry and to unleash the fury of disorder on our lives. He could have said, “I’m so angry at you, I will not send my Son. I am bitter because you all aren’t better!”
I may have acted like that.
But, God didn’t. He sent HIs son. He sent His Son even though God could have been bitter. He sent His Son even though God had every right to hold anger against us. He sent His Son even though we walked in idolatry and witchcraft.
He could have been angry, but “God so loved the world, He sent His only Son.”
And, Jesus’ love brought all order back to Earth.
Love is order. Love brings order. And, life. Especially when we release it in situations and to people who don’t deserve it.
But there is also one other thing that brings order to disorder.
Do you know it?
“And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling…”
“Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm.” (Mark 4:37, 39)
Peace turns chaos into order.
The opposite of anger is peace. When we operate in peace, we keep order.
How can you bring peace to chaotic situations? How can you keep your peace? How can you focus on peace?
For me? I aim to do 3 things:
1. I create space by taking deep breaths and giving myself room to think before responding. This means I don’t have to have an answer right away.
2. I reply calmly. Not everything I want to say has to be said.
3. I pray more than I say. When I trust God to fix what my anger thinks it can, I walk in humility that trusts the Lord.
Peace calms storms.
Prayer: Father God, I need you. I need your help and your peace. I ask that the Peace of God would guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I ask that your peace would bring order and also protect me in all my ways. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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Pull yourself together! Where there’s a will, there’s a way! God doesn’t help those who don’t help themselves.
Have you ever heard these Americanized phrases? Because they sound good, we figure they should work. Because people say them so adamantly, we figure they’re our ticket. That our hard work will improve our good standing.
But I don’t know if any of you are in a situation like me?
Maybe you’ve tried… Maybe you’ve done all the good to all the people you can… Maybe you’ve worked extra hard to get a job… Maybe you’ve made every effort in your relationship…yet, still, despite all your hard work, your best effort, where you are doing your part — no progress is being made.
It’s frustrating, I know. Agonizing at times, yes.
But, the real question. is — how does the Lord have us to approach this? And, do we just give up?
Scripture says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Pet. 5:7)
When we cast something (consider a fishing line), we must let it go, lest the line go nowhere. No one ever has ever cast a line into the water while holding the hook.
You have to let go — to let God.
To effectively let go is to know that God cares for you. To let go is to say, “Father, I hand this issue to you. I release to you, my worries. I release to you the tension in my body. I let it go. I trust you to carry and to handle this situation. I know you will help. I trust your way.”
To let go is to ditch all the mental ruminations and rehashing.
God will not abandon you. He will help you and He will help me. Never once has He left a daughter behind without caring for them.
Be not discouraged.
“Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain.” (Ps. 127:1 AMP)
When God builds it — it will be built well and right.
The blessing of the Lord—it makes [truly] rich, and He adds no sorrow with it [neither does toiling increase it]. (Prov. 10:22)
When God brings increase, however He chooses, He brings it the right way.
Prayer: Father, I trust you. I release to you what I am worried about. I abandon my cause to your ways. Come, help. Show me your way. I want this to be built by you not controlled by me. I surrender afresh. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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I woke early with a decisive plan of action. I would sneak out of the hotel room, unnoticed, and spend quality time with God. It would be lovely. Quietly tiptoeing through the room, I freshened up in the bathroom, and excitedly headed back to my phone.
Except, upon my return, my phone was gone. It wasn’t where I left it. Did my son take it? I checked under his covers. No sight of it.
Grr… My phone was my way to solace and The Scriptures.
Not knowing how it disappeared between wake-up time and now, I retraced my steps. Did I put it in the bathroom? No, not there. Is it on the floor next to the bed? Not there either. Is it under my bed? Nope. Is it in the bathroom again? Still not there.
My husband jostled awake.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Looking everywhere for my phone,” I replied with a tone of annoyance, “I am trying to spend some quality time with God.”
Back to the bathroom I went. Still not there. Under my bed. Not there.
Then, my daughter spoke up, “Mom? I have your phone.”
“You what?!” I unloaded. “Don’t you dare take my phone off the charger in the mornings without asking me!!!!” I went off on her.
Granted, I didn’t sleep at all the night before, but, still friends, I went off on her.
Feeling like a pile of dirt, I left the room to go downstairs via the elevator. Along the way, I jostled through all my thoughts… I’m sorry God. Why do I have to react so easily? I hate it when I unload on people. Why can’t I be more patient?
Ding!
The elevator doors opened, interrupting my thoughts. As I popped out, a woman held the elevator door open for me with her hand. How kind and unusual of her to do so, I thought. This woman cares.
Stepping out of the elevator, I glanced at her shirt. On it, it read, “Grace Unlimited.”
And, I knew, God was speaking to me…
Despite my morning mistake, there was “Grace Unlimited.” Despite my quick reaction, there is, “Grace Unlimited.” Despite a hard morning, “Grace Unlimited” still dawns.
It is impossible to outrun God’s grace when Jesus outdid sin on the cross! There is no mistake too big, no situation too large, no morning too broken, no person too out of it – for God’s grace to work.
God’s grace is UNLIMITED for every believer. This is why it is called amazing grace. The key to receiving grace is believing in grace.
For me? I had to finally forgive myself to let go and let God’s abundant, unmerited favor flood my soul.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Eph. 2:8-9)
God’s grace holds the door open for us, even when we’ve acted like buffoons three minutes before. It is the doorway to goodness, despite us, because of Him. It truly is amazing and unlimited.
Prayer:
Father, thank you for your amazing and unlimited grace. It is nearly too big a thing for us to comprehend… It is too wondrous a thing for us to understand how it works… But still, we are always in your good graces. We are always loved by you. We are always forgiven. Oh, how we thank you. May we never forget your grace, your love, and how your forgiveness abounds to us! It is a huge thing and a wonderful gift and we thank you for it. May grace always abound to us and out to others. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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For days, I was internally screaming inside, while pretending to be there for my kids. I was internally agonizing, while trying to calmly answer questions about stop lights, and what’s for lunch and playdates with friends. Half the words they spoke would fly over my head, lest I pay attention and ignore the tight clenching pain of anxiety thumping in my chest. I tried to call myself to attention.
“Mommy, what do you think we will do for Valentine’s Day?” My kids asked me.
Who in the world knows?! My world is combusting! How will I handle what I am facing?! How can I disaster plan? If the worst-case scenario happens, how do I rise up?
Going somewhere else, in the car, while my kids chatted away, I could see all the dominoes falling. I could see all the marbles rolling everywhere, unable to be contained. I could envision my agony as I couldn’t handle the future.
Ever been there? Ever been in the place you never wanted to arrive to? Ever seen the darkness you didn’t want to see? Ever confronted a monster that you only hoped and prayed would pass you by?
And what do you do when you can’t stop thinking of worst-case scenarios?! When keep considering all the ways you’ll be hurt? When you’re already experiencing the shame that hasn’t even yet come?
These are viable questions. Ones I was contending with for days. . . God knows, I didn’t want to be anxious or worried, yet I kept on confessing to God – that I was.
So here I am.
And I’d be a liar to tell you I have everything all worked out at this point. I don’t. There seem to be a handful of problems I can’t fix on my own, but I can tell you, I found a couple verses that have really encouraged me. Here they are:
“The Lord is my Light and My Salvation – whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid. When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise against me, (even then) in this I will be confident.” (Ps. 27:1-4)
In these verses, I have safety.
The Lord is my Light. Light brings clarity, it brings direction on the best paths to walk and it, like a spotlight, can even be a weapon to blind opposition.
The Lord is my salvation. Salvation brings salvation. I will be saved. The Savior is faithful to save. I can rest in Him to do the saving work. I can turn to Him for salvation and trust Him. He may not only save me; He may save those who come in contact with me during this hard time. No one can come against the saving power of God. In this, there is no fear.
The Lord is my refuge. In Christ, I am in the biggest, most secure, steel-reinforced refuge. No one is as safe as Jesus. I am hidden in Christ and Christ is invincible in battle. I am protected, not a sitting duck. Enemy forces have a hard time penetrating that safety. I can trust Him to protect me.
The Lord is The Stronghold of My Life. When I feel like I have no hold on life, I can trust that God has a strong hold of my life. He knows everything going on. He sees every issue. He knows the way. He has a strong hold on my problem.
In this, I can cast my care on the Lord and trust Him with it. Full release is the only way. If I get in His way, I block the way. If I move out of the way – by releasing worry and fear, I make way for the Way Maker. It’s that simple.
What problem do you face? Why not let go of your worry and let Him carry your load, as you stand protected in Christ?
Prayer: Father, I need you. I need a Father to take care of me and to help me. I can’t figure all this out on my own. I need your direction, consolation and salvation. Help me to pray and give thanks more than I worry and fret. Give me faith for the battle. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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Have you ever tried to get ketchup out of the bottle? I mean, the real bottle, not the plastic variety where you can squeeze it hard and it spurts out.
The glass-bottled ketchup was so impertinent, they made up a phrase, “The best things come to those who wait.”
I’ve waited for a lot of things in my life: I’ve waited for kids to be healed physically; I’ve waited to be fully accepted by friends; I’ve waited for breakthrough; I’ve waited for God to direct my paths; I’ve waited for things I dream of to come true; I’ve waited for God to change people; I’ve waited to be changed by God. For some of these, I still wait.
Scripture doesn’t shy back from addressing people in wait, those on month one of a ten-month delivery process.
Scripture tells “waiters”, like me:
“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Is. 40:31)
“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14)
“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” (La. 3:25)
“But as for me, I will look to the Lord. I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.” (Mi. 7:7)
Waits don’t equate to: You’ve messed up so much that God is withholding from you. You haven’t prayed enough so you better work up some loud prayers that put sweat on your brow. You’re always going to be this way. You’re a loser.
Waits don’t absolutely mean you’ve been disobedient; they could mean that God has a better plan. And, that you’ve been faithful.
Sometimes, I figure if I’m waiting, it is my fault. That is not always the case.
Instead, in waits God has for me: more strength; “great” all up in that thing that feels like a horrible wait; rest so I can run in the future; a listening ear and His faithfulness as Savior.
Be encouraged, your wait doesn’t mean you are late; it means that the God who is great, has something even better in store for you. Taste and see that the Lord is good. The best things come to those who wait!
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What do you do when your years-long prayers haven’t been answered?
When people haven’t been there for you the way you hoped?
When the enemy keeps hitting you when you’re down?
When you feel worn out?
When you are starting to get angry?
When people don’t understand?
When a little part in you wants to give way to sadness?
When things that you thought made sense about God seem questionable?
When you may be jaded because of what you’ve seen in church?
Paul in the bible understands:
“Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.” (2 Cor. 11:24-28)
Did Paul give up? Did he shrink back? No.
How do we persevere? Mentally, we can think these three thoughts:
1. “As I persevere, that gives way for God’s promises to appear.”
“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. (Heb. 10:36)
There is light on the other side of your tunnel; don’t get discouraged now. Keep going in the will of God, to the glory of God. He is faithful.
2. “My time is short and my King is coming! Shrinking back is not pleasing to The Lord!”
“…In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.
“…But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.” (Heb. 10:37-38)
3. I have faith and I will be saved! I trust Christ Jesus to accomplish the work on earth or in heaven.
“But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” (Heb 10:39)
Friends, now is not the hour to shrink back; now is the hour to trust God. Some of us have been under such mighty attacks or times of repeated trauma that the pain seems more real than God’s promises. Don’t sweat it, just look higher. Just because hard things have happened time and time again does not mean that Jesus, the Savior, will not swoop in to save. He is ready to save. He is Savior. It’s His business. Be encouraged. Keep up the good fight of faith. Sometimes, the hard things may feel like we have done something wrong, but He who makes everything beautiful in its time — is faithful.
How can I pray for you? My family and I want to lift your needs up in prayer. I will not be commenting back to everyone, but we will be praying over each request.
Love you! Don’t shrink back.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Gal. 6:9)
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I desperately needed coffee! In line to get one at a store, a man rolled up next to me. I noticed his leg. It rested on a leg crutch with wheels. In my mind, I stood at high alert. Why? Because the last time I got coffee from this place, the exact same thing happened. A man rolled up on the same sort of crutch cart. It was odd. The other man’s leg was pulled back just like this man’s leg. Both men were directly in front of me.
What’s the chance?
When I see things repeat themselves like this – in a way that defies norms – I usually take heed and pray to see if God wants me to realize something or do anything.
In this case, I prayed and didn’t know why this was happening, so I decided to talk to the young man.
I asked him, “Is your leg okay?”
“Yes,” he stated. “I am in the army. I fell out of a helicopter, hit the ground and crushed my leg in the fall.”
Ouch. Oh my….
He went on, “But, it’s actually great because I get to spend time with my family.”
I couldn’t help but notice his radical optimism.
“Wow,” I said.
He went on to tell me that he’d had multiple surgeries, and was healing from the latest one, but that he was “thankful to have grown a beard through all this.”
His blind optimism was shaking me to the core.
Here was a man who was serving his country. Here was a man risking his life for our freedom. Here was a man giving his very best. And, here was a man who had a terrible accident, a leg out of order and in pain — and he was giving thanks?
Wow.
I asked him where his optimism comes from.
He said he calls it, “reframing”. Meaning, he sees the good in the bad.
I wonder if he knew that what he was doing – was biblical…
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thess. 5:18)
With God, there is always a silver lining to be found. There is always a new way of seeing things. There is always a hopeful vantage point. Do we run to see from this place? I can’t say I always do, but this man inspires me.
In Christ, there is always hope!
Prayer: Father, thank you for the continual hope we find in Jesus Christ. Thank you that there is no person or situation too far gone. Thank you that all things are possible for those who believe. Thank you that you can always do the impossible. Give us eyes to see your goodness. Give us spiritual understanding in all the small happenings of our lives. May joy overflow from our thanksgiving. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
