Category - attack

Are You Worrying?

3 months ago

Ahh!!!!

For days, I was internally screaming inside, while pretending to be there for my kids. I was internally agonizing, while trying to calmly answer questions about stop lights, and what’s for lunch and playdates with friends. Half the words they spoke would fly over my head, lest I pay attention and ignore the tight clenching pain of anxiety thumping in my chest. I tried to call myself to attention.

“Mommy, what do you think we will do for Valentine’s Day?” My kids asked me.

Who in the world knows?! My world is combusting! How will I handle what I am facing?! How can I disaster plan? If the worst-case scenario happens, how do I rise up?

Going somewhere else, in the car, while my kids chatted away, I could see all the dominoes falling. I could see all the marbles rolling everywhere, unable to be contained. I could envision my agony as I couldn’t handle the future.

Ever been there? Ever been in the place you never wanted to arrive to? Ever seen the darkness you didn’t want to see? Ever confronted a monster that you only hoped and prayed would pass you by?

And what do you do when you can’t stop thinking of worst-case scenarios?! When keep considering all the ways you’ll be hurt? When you’re already experiencing the shame that hasn’t even yet come?

These are viable questions. Ones I was contending with for days. . . God knows, I didn’t want to be anxious or worried, yet I kept on confessing to God – that I was.

So here I am.

And I’d be a liar to tell you I have everything all worked out at this point. I don’t. There seem to be a handful of problems I can’t fix on my own, but I can tell you, I found a couple verses that have really encouraged me. Here they are:

“The Lord is my Light and My Salvation – whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid. When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise against me, (even then) in this I will be confident.” (Ps. 27:1-4)

In these verses, I have safety.

The Lord is my Light. Light brings clarity, it brings direction on the best paths to walk and it, like a spotlight, can even be a weapon to blind opposition.

The Lord is my salvation. Salvation brings salvation. I will be saved. The Savior is faithful to save. I can rest in Him to do the saving work. I can turn to Him for salvation and trust Him. He may not only save me; He may save those who come in contact with me during this hard time. No one can come against the saving power of God. In this, there is no fear.

The Lord is my refuge. In Christ, I am in the biggest, most secure, steel-reinforced refuge. No one is as safe as Jesus. I am hidden in Christ and Christ is invincible in battle. I am protected, not a sitting duck. Enemy forces have a hard time penetrating that safety. I can trust Him to protect me.

The Lord is The Stronghold of My Life. When I feel like I have no hold on life, I can trust that God has a strong hold of my life. He knows everything going on. He sees every issue. He knows the way. He has a strong hold on my problem.

In this, I can cast my care on the Lord and trust Him with it. Full release is the only way. If I get in His way, I block the way. If I move out of the way – by releasing worry and fear, I make way for the Way Maker. It’s that simple.

What problem do you face? Why not let go of your worry and let Him carry your load, as you stand protected in Christ?

Prayer: Father, I need you. I need a Father to take care of me and to help me. I can’t figure all this out on my own. I need your direction, consolation and salvation. Help me to pray and give thanks more than I worry and fret. Give me faith for the battle. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

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When Waiting is Agonizing

January 17, 2025

purposefulfaith

attack, awe, faith, grace, hope

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Have you ever tried to get ketchup out of the bottle? I mean, the real bottle, not the plastic variety where you can squeeze it hard and it spurts out.

The glass-bottled ketchup was so impertinent, they made up a phrase, “The best things come to those who wait.”

I’ve waited for a lot of things in my life: I’ve waited for kids to be healed physically; I’ve waited to be fully accepted by friends; I’ve waited for breakthrough; I’ve waited for God to direct my paths; I’ve waited for things I dream of to come true; I’ve waited for God to change people; I’ve waited to be changed by God. For some of these, I still wait.

Scripture doesn’t shy back from addressing people in wait, those on month one of a ten-month delivery process.

Scripture tells “waiters”, like me:

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Is. 40:31)

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14)

“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” (La. 3:25)

“But as for me, I will look to the Lord. I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.” (Mi. 7:7)

Waits don’t equate to: You’ve messed up so much that God is withholding from you. You haven’t prayed enough so you better work up some loud prayers that put sweat on your brow. You’re always going to be this way. You’re a loser.

Waits don’t absolutely mean you’ve been disobedient; they could mean that God has a better plan. And, that you’ve been faithful.

Sometimes, I figure if I’m waiting, it is my fault. That is not always the case.

Instead, in waits God has for me: more strength; “great” all up in that thing that feels like a horrible wait; rest so I can run in the future; a listening ear and His faithfulness as Savior.

Be encouraged, your wait doesn’t mean you are late; it means that the God who is great, has something even better in store for you. Taste and see that the Lord is good. The best things come to those who wait!

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Facing The Hard Truth

November 25, 2024

purposefulfaith

attack, awe, faith

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Blog Post: When Admitting Truth Is Hard

Standing on the tarmac, getting ready to launch off on my bike with my family, I made a random comment to my husband. Friends, I can’t remember exactly what it was now, but I do remember asking myself right after, “Man, what in the world is wrong with him?”

His reply to my random comment was both off and condescending. And, frankly, his anxiety was causing me anxiety. I didn’t like it; I didn’t like it at all! I wouldn’t have it. My husband needed to pull himself together. I wanted to enjoy this bike ride, not have it go sideways because of him. So, I arrogantly barked out, “Whatever you’re dealing with, pull it together already!”

Almost at the same time I released this behemoth demand, God tugged on my heart. It was as if He traveled me back to all the mornings that I’ve had with Him lately…

Instantly, I remembered how He revealed to me that I can sometimes project onto others what I, myself, am feeling. Why? To protect myself from having to deal with the awkwardness of myself. To keep the problem about them. To avoid embarrassment, shame, or having to change. It’s easier that way.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Mt. 7:3-5)

Ick. What if the problem is not him at all, but it is actually all about me?

Am I feeling anxious? I was.
Could I be projecting? Yes.
Could I have made it about him, because it’s easier than handling me? Oh gosh. That could be…

Ick.

Hiding truth keeps the problems on them and projecting keeps the horrifying spotlight off me…but neither of these are God’s way.

On that tan tarmac, I quickly snapped back to reality, and I pulled my whole family together, along with my husband.

I said, “Family, can I admit something to you? I feel anxious. I am nervous about whether we will all have fun on the ride. Can you pray for me?”

They did.

Of course, I’ll never really know if my husband was anxious or not. But what I do know is that it is not my job to fix him; it is my job to be honest before the Lord, and man, about me. It is my job to be honest. If I want freedom for my family, I must be truthful, for it is the truth that sets one free.

In this, I don’t have to hide my inadequacies; I can admit them to others and to the Lord. I don’t have to pretend I have it all together, I can admit fear and be healed. I don’t have to run away from telling others I am sorry; I can apologize.

Is it awkward? Absolutely. Who likes standing there naked?

Is it embarrassing to make a mistake? Yes. In our culture we hold up perfection like it is a statue of David.

Is it humbling? Yes, but perhaps that is the point.

We don’t worship some perfect version of us; we worship Jesus who gives us grace in our time of need. We don’t have to have it all together; His grace is enough. We don’t have to hide who we really are or tuck away from learning; confession is an integral part of being a Christian.

Who are you blaming? How are you hiding? What feels embarrassing? Perhaps, as you bring that to Him — He will give you the power to walk in humility before them.

I know it isn’t easy. But if you are looking for freedom – only truth sets one free. Ask God to protect you, ask God to lead you, and ask God to help you. Their response belongs to them, but your obedience, and the joy that comes with it, belong to you.

It’s never easy to change, but it is always worth it. What would it look like for you, today, to see the things you’ve been trying to hide away? How can you take responsibility for them before the Lord? How might you have gotten things wrong? How can you make things right? What would it look like to walk in humility?

My friends, I know it is tough to see all this. Trust me, I know. But, let’s be encouraged — God doesn’t reveal these things to chide us; He reveals these things to heal us. For then, after we have learned, we can walk in relationship in ways we have dreamed of, and we can see the hope we have searched for. We let God heal us and help us in all His ways. We find new roads and grace open to us.

It’s worth it.

The price of admission opens to us new gates of personal freedom.

Prayer: Father, I don’t like admitting things that embarrass me. I don’t like getting things wrong. I want people to think highly of me. I want to come off a certain way. Forgive me for having pride. I have defended myself too long. You are my Defender. You are My Savior. Forgive me for taking your work into my hands. I am sorry. I am guilty. Will you forgive me? Will you help me? In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

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Handling Broken Things…

November 12, 2024

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attack, awe, faith

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The plant wasn’t even real; it was plastic. Maybe that’s why it wouldn’t stand upright. At the slightest sign of wind, the dang plant, and the pot it was in, would crash over. I’d walk outside and see it, yet again, knocked over. And, day after day, I picked it up.

Except for this morning… Staring at a triangular piece broken off the side of the pot from the raging war of hard winds and repeated falls, I wondered what in the world I was doing.

I decided, I can either watch this thing fall 1,000 more times, or I can get up and do something about it. Sometimes, we are waiting on God, when God may be waiting on us. God gave us two feet and two hands. With this, we always have a God-given ability to move our feet and to use our hands. To take a stand. To do something new. To use new words. To steady ourselves in God’s Word. Or, we can keep observing our own fall, and see only a defeated spirit.

With all this, I knew it was time to stop watching the falling decline of this plastic plant and my own internal defeated spirit.

So, I drove with my husband to Walmart this morning! I walked myself right into the outdoor section, studied the small variety of foliage, and I bought myself a real, sturdy, and beautiful plant.

It felt powerful.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (2 Tim. 1:7)

I am not powerless to effect change in my life; I am powerful. The spirit that I walk in is powerfulness in Christ! And that plant, I knew, would be a continual reminder of this fact!

I am powerful to change bad habits.
I am powerful to obey God in moments of temptation.
I am powerful to exchange my barren mentalities to see God’s lush growth in my life.
I am powerful to stand strong and to resist the enemy.
I am powerful and I make progress spiritually by the power of God’s Word.
I am powerful to trust God, who is at work in me!

He is at work in you too!

What would it look like to make powerful progress in your life today? What, in the natural, may be powerfully symbolic as you make a greater move towards God?

Maybe you clean out a drawer and in the spiritual it reminds you continually of the new space you are clearing out for time with God.

Maybe you ditch the junk in your closet and it represents letting go of the shame of the past.

Maybe you buy yourself a piece of jewelry that continually reminds you of how much God loves you.

Small progress counts big. Progress doesn’t have to be a giant leap to be tremendously and spiritually impactful.

For instance, now, when I see that leafy green, knee-high plant? I see my ability to effect change through the strength God is affording me. I realize — I am not a victim in any way, shape or form; I am powerful in Christ Jesus.

I do new things and take action!

In the end, I got tired of watching that pot fall over 1,000 times. What may be falling over in your life time and time again? What small act of progress could God be calling you to that might make giant leaps in your life? What small move may encourage you to stay strong in heart and mind?

Make that move, today! And, tell me about it! I’d love to hear.

Prayer: Father, I want to thank You that You don’t leave us helpless and hopeless. We have inside of us the Hope of all Glory, Christ Jesus. Help us to stand up, to stand firm, and to fan the flame within us. We want to be strong in faith and heart. Give us power to change and grow. Give us grace to take new steps. Encourage us in all Your ways. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

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When You’re Angry At Yourself

July 23, 2024

purposefulfaith

attack, failure, faith, guilt

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I sat there before the person. I knew what I should say, but I couldn’t say it. I had to defend myself. I had to set the record straight. Rather than take the high road and trust God to defend me — I burst out with a reactive come-back! And — boom — the word-bomb landed with its intended effect, blowing up the whole conversation.

Seconds after, I knew I had royally messed up. I did not keep my cool.

Have you ever been there? Have you ever royally messed up? Cheated? Lied? Done something repeatedly that you knew God didn’t want you to do?

Friend, you are not alone.

Even the incredibly holy and wonderfully anointed, biblical-great, Paul said, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” (Romans 7:15)

Ahh! The aggravation of it all! We do what we don’t want to do, so often.

Maybe, like me, you have done something you knew you should not… Maybe you knew how you wanted to talk, but didn’t talk that way… Maybe you wanted to be loved, but ended up speaking differently…

What do we do with that? When strong emotions override our best intentions? When we get so caught up in a moment, we go the wrong way? When other people douse us with the kerosene of our past mistakes? How do we move on?

Paul also said, “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” (Phil. 3:13-14)

How can we effectively move ahead when we are mentally looking behind?

If Paul had to let the past be the past, so do we. Only then can we love others, as we love ourselves (see: Mt. 22:39)

If we are to love ourselves — in order to love others — we must forgive ourselves and release all records of wrongs.

“(Love) is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Cor. 13:5)

What record of wrongs do you have against yourself? Might you consider forgiving yourself as God has forgiven you?

Prayer: Father, I thank you that when you forgive, you move my sins as far as the east is from the west. I thank you that you remember my sins no more. Father, today I give you the whole record of wrongs I have against myself and every accompanying feeling of hatred towards myself that goes with it. I release all that to you. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

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Through the Fight, Take Flight

January 9, 2024

purposefulfaith

attack, awe, Contentment, faith

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Are you in the fight of your life right now? Are you facing something you can’t bear? Is it hard to access wisdom because the weight is too much?

Maybe a boss is so demeaning and demanding you can’t sleep; you lost your job; your child is acting out; your past keeps coming back to haunt you; your health is deteriorating before your eyes… What is detracting joy, peace, and life?

Some of you may be turning to God in your situation and asking, Why God, why?”

Why is this happening to me? Why is the fight so hard? Why is there so much agony, so much war, so much difficulty? Why does it have to be this way?

You know, I can’t help but think of a caterpillar in a cocoon. It must fight the barrier of the cocoon before it has enough strength to actually lift off and take flight. It is the strength gained in the fight, that allows it to take flight. Only then, can it fly, like never before.

Friends, sometimes a fight is what makes us take flight.

Think of Peter, in the bible. A horrible, violent wind came up against his boat. Battering waves raged high and strong. Not only was his whole trip at risk, but so was his life. Would he make it? Suddenly, a figure emerged and he and the disciples proclaimed, “A ghost!”

But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.” Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come ahead.” (Mt. 14:27-30 MSG)

Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus…

Peter, in the midst of the fight of the storm, was provoked to take new flight. He knew — safer was he with Jesus, than alone in a rocky, stomach-sickening boat. So, stepping out of that vessel of death, Peter, in a fight of courage, took flight to walk on water.

Sometimes it is the storms we hate that become the encounters with God we soon love. They are what push us out…and into His arms. They are the pressure that causes us to do a new thing… They are the need for change that changes us and make us to fall on our knees to call out for fresh faith.

Friends, what God permitted to touch us won’t kill us, it will only drive us deeper into the arms of a loving God who wants to help us…if we let him.

Will we trust Him?

The fight is not meant to kill you; it is meant to launch you into greater faith, a supernatural life, greater meaning, stronger resolve, and larger capacity to thrive, no matter what the world throws at you. The fire isn’t there to burn you; the fire is there to get under you and to make you take flight, like a rocket ship.

Be encouraged.

The heat, the pressure, the fight — if you yield to it, it will drive you higher, deeper and wider into the depths of God’s love. You aren’t getting burned, you are getting launched higher into His love, grace and power. Trust Him. He has this!

Prayer: Father God, some days, I don’t know how I am going to make it. It is so hard. Father? Please give me the grace and power to come to you. Let me not look for ways to dull or to numb my pain, but let me bring every grain of what I am experiencing to your throne. At your throne is all the grace and mercy that I so desperately need. Today, I bring what ails, troubles and disturbs me and I leave it with you. Will you handle it today? Will you carry this for me? Show me what you want me to do and how you want me to go. I want to honor you in all my ways. I trust you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Dealing with a Frustrating Spouse

December 5, 2023

purposefulfaith

attack, Contentment, devil, fear

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A premarital counselor once talked to me about marriage…

He said, “Have you ever considered how each spouse thinks they load the dishes into the dishwasher the ‘right way’? It is right because it is what they know and it is what they learned. Their way is right. The other way is wrong.”

How we grew up — is right.
How we learned to think about things — is right.
How we process or communicate things — is right.

But, is our way the absolute right way, or can dishes (or thoughts, communication, and habits) have different variations?

This is often the rub in marriage. No one wants to change. Both are set on their own way.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting people to change. Insanity repeats the same words, does the same thing (because it seems right), and is horribly aggravated when patterns remain the same.

Insanity makes one angry and bitter.

What about you? Are you angry? Do you feel bitter inside? Are you repeating patterns? Do you try to do what is right, yet find yourself in communication battles that go all wrong? Is your spouse driving you nuts?

Dissension and frustration make one raise walls of self-protection that hinder deep connection.

Scripture says, “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.” (Prov. 18:19)

Surely, we can break these patterns and relational triggers. While we can’t force our spouse’s walls down or their heart to change, we can manage our own heart, reactions, and words. And, by doing this, effect a ton of change. We are not powerless. We have power to preserve peace, to communicate with power, and to find radical joy even when the going is extremely tough.

Peace can be found through our actions and thoughts, even if theirs never change.

I am holding a “Help, for my Marriage (& Family Relationships)” Workshop. I want to invite you. Not only will this workshop support you, but it will help keep Purposeful Faith strong and going. Spouses are welcome to come, but not required at all to attend.

The “Help, for My Marriage (& Family Relationships)” Workshop will include:

1. Detailed ways to walk in wisdom in a hard situation.
2. Strength that helps you stay hidden in Christ and wise in words.
3. Practical strategies to believe God when everything looks dark and dim.
4. Breakthrough testimonies and stories.
5. Prayer strategy that defeats the devil’s schemes.
6. Ways to set up boundaries that safeguard your heart and your children.
7. Prayer and encouragement.

Friends, the devil would love for you to think your marriage (and family relationships) are over. I say, they have only yet begun!

The best is yet ahead!
Register here: “Help, for my Marriage (& Family Relationships)” Workshop
December 14, 2023 at 6:00 ET via Zoom.
*Recording available.
$25.00

Don’t give up faith.

Prayer: Father, I thank you that you have all that I need for righteousness and godliness in Christ Jesus. Father, I thank you that I am not waiting for others in order to have life, and life more abundantly — but that I already have it now. I ask you to empower me to change what I can change and to give me the grace to let go of what I cannot change. Empower me with love. In Jesus’ name.

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Dealing with Enticing Feelings

January 17, 2023

purposefulfaith

attack, Contentment, devil, faith

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I remember hearing someone say, “No one ever set out with the goal to become a drug addict or an adulterer.”

There is a lot of truth to that statement. No one grew up as a child and said, “When I get older I want to become a meth addict.” Nor did they say, “My goal when I am older is to cheat and to have an affair.”

Sin subtly woos people into outcomes they never intended to have. Sin creeps, until one day, it attacks us and eats us alive, bringing a terrible and suddenly rock-bottom outcome.

I’ve seen it happen with people. A little compromise leads to a complete take-over of what — they never dreamed would happen. The little sin, that started as a small conviction, becomes the massive sin, they never dreamed would happen. A little hug leads to more… A little drink leads to AA. A little shopping, they sensed was too much, became addiction.

“The wages of sin are death…” (Ro. 6:23)

Sin left unchecked leads to death.

Think: The woman at the work event – sins a little — and drinks too much. The drink turns into a hug with a co-worker, who then invites her a step further. Her guard is down. Deception may create the termination of her marriage due to her actions.

My point in writing all this is to remind us – don’t let your guard down. Don’t say, “A little bit of this is okay…”, “well, I guess it is okay to try this pharmaceutical drug even though I don’t need it…”, “why not watch that movie even though I know I shouldn’t?”, or “a little flirting with that guy at work couldn’t hurt me.”

The little can be the gateway to the big.

Friends, I talk to myself here. I remind myself of all these things. I am never too far from a fall and I must remember this. The line is always closer than it seems. A little bit of sin – in my life – has every opportunity to open the door to more.

Sin – be it big, or little — is never okay with God. Not a tad, not a bit.

“So, beloved, since you are looking forward to these things, be diligent and make every effort to be found by Him [at His return] spotless and blameless, in peace [that is, inwardly calm with a sense of spiritual well-being and confidence, having lived a life of obedience to Him].” (2 Pet. 3:14)

Remember: Obedience to God is deliverance from every lure of the enemy.

Continually, the devil is alluring, enticing, and making us believe all things are permissive.

But, we combat this when we see these lures as a direct affronts to our relationship with God and our love for Jesus. When we become offended by attacks of enticement and seduction.

What is trying to lure you? What may you be starting to give in to? What feels enticing? What may you have given a little room to? What are you doing that you know you shouldn’t?

Love helps us to see what we don’t want to see. And, while today’s post feels hard-hitting, I want to help save those I love from going the wrong way, so they can be blessed in all His ways.

I love you.

Prayer: Father, we see, today, what we don’t want to see. We see the sin, the snare and the enticements that so easily entangle. Today, we repent of flirting with sin. We repent of opening doors that could lead to our own destruction. We turn from our wicked ways and look to you again. Will you forgive us? Will you impart grace to go a new way? We trust you to keep us and to guide us. We trust you to love us and to keep us. Thank you that you leave the 99 sheep to go after the one. Today, we receive your love as that one. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Never left Alone

November 4, 2022

purposefulfaith

attack, failure, faith

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“You don’t understand.”

We’ve probably all thought this thought one time or another. Someone gives us advice that does not resonate… Another thinks we’re doing something that we’re not even doing… People misinterpret our motives or our words…

They don’t understand. We feel alone and by ourselves.

It certainly has happened to me in marriage. At times, I have said one thing and my husband has heard a whole other thing. I am misunderstood. I am sure that I misunderstand him too, sometimes.

In this case, when I feel all alone, it is easy for me to think, “Who is fighting for me? Who understands me?” It’s easy to sink deep down into a cave of sadness all alone and to believe that I have to: 1. fend for myself 2. make sure I am going to be okay 3. lick my wounds.

Have you ever been there too? Felt unprotected? Undefended?

This verse is encouraging, “But the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one.” (2 Thessalonians 3:3)

In tough moments, we can gain hope by remembering that God isn’t leaving us, but He is strengthening us. He isn’t unstable and unavailable, He is faithful. God is with us.

When the enemy sets schemes in relationships, even then, God guards us from them.

We are not left alone; we are protected.

When we don’t know what to do, Jesus intercedes for us (Heb. 7:25). When we don’t think there’s anyone fending for us we have an advocate in Jesus (1 Jo. 2:1).

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” (Ro. 8:26)

In tough moments, we can keep our thoughts and our feelings out of dark, isolating and mentally draining places by remembering: we are never alone because God is with us. Not only is God with us, but God is for us, too. He is actively helping us in whatever we are going through.

Prayer: Father God, I need you to fight my battle for me. I give up the fight, so you can fight on my behalf. Forgive me for believing that I am alone. Forgive me for believing that I am left behind by you in any way, shape or form. You are for me. Thank you. Jesus advocates for me. Thank you. You are with me always. Help me to remember these things in tough moments. Help me to put all my trust in you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Handling Triggers

October 28, 2022

purposefulfaith

attack, awe, faith

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Have you ever felt like a horrible person? A horrible mom? A horrible friend? Two days ago, I was a horrible mom for a second — or, truthfully, for about 2-hours.

My son said to me, “I can’t tell you the things I tell daddy! I’m not telling you anything!!”

My insides boiled at this comment; my son had hit a nerve. All I want is for my son to know he can share anything with me. I want to be close to him. I want him to know I am safe. But now he’s saying I am not good enough and that I am not safe. Ahh!!! I felt panic come on me. My inside was triggered with, “Fix this! Fix this! Fix this, Kelly! You are not a good mom. You are messing things up. Fix this!” Overwhelmed by my emotions, and the fear I couldn’t make my son want me, I blamed him for my feelings.

I said to him, “You are dishonoring and disrespecting your mom. You are grounded entirely until you can respect me.”

Immediately, after I demanded it, I felt the heavy weight of shame. I can’t demand people love me or ground them until they do. I can’t yell at someone to be close to me — that doesn’t work. More upset at myself, I got more upset.

I yelled up the stairs, “And, stay up in your room too! And, write me a note of what you did wrong.”

Then, I hated myself for saying it.

Alone with my daughter now, I admitted to her, “I am just angry at myself for how I am handling things.”

She wisely said, “Why don’t you just apologize?” So, I did. I apologized to my son that I got triggered. I apologized that I reacted. I apologized that I took my fear out on him.

Later, upon reflection, I had to recognize that a thousand levels deeper than his hurtful comment, was me — a little girl who felt unwanted again. A little girl who was often left sitting on the sidewalk at school while the other kids played together. I don’t want to be unwanted again. I hate that feeling.

And, that’s why I got triggered. I got triggered because I am afraid of being an abysmal failure. Left, by the ones I love most.

But, if I had stopped and paused in the heat of the moment? If I had reflected I might have been able to see things differently. I might have been able to think about God’s Word to me. What would God say?

I think He might say to me:
Kelly, “There is no one righteous, not even one.” (Ro. 3:10)
And I might have realized: Everyone makes mistakes.

Kelly, “Even before (I) made the world, God loved (you) and chose (you) in Christ to be holy and without fault in (my) eyes.” (Eph. 1:4)
And I might have realized: I’m am chosen, holy and faultless in Christ Jesus. I can move back to a firm standing and positioning in Christ, and out of shame.

Kelly, “His divine power has given (you) everything (you) need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called (you) by his own glory and goodness.” (2 Pet. 1:3)
And I might have realized: I am being called right now by God’s goodness to bring God glory. By His power, there is a better way that I can walk even though I feel triggered.

If I had paused, and hid-out in a closet or something, I could have returned back to Father God’s loving arms and found a more sound, biblical way of thinking. I could have prayed about next steps. I could have calmed down. Unfortunately, I didn’t. But, next time, I will.

I will because situations don’t define me; the Word of My God does! To get to His Word is to find power. This is how in horrible, no good, rotten situations I will — rise up, strong! It is how I will show love even when I feel hurt. It is how triggers won’t rule me.

What about you — what triggers try to rule you? What boils your blood? What is God’s truth to you? How might His Word console what hurt rests under the surface of your pain.

We truly do have all we need to walk out a godly life, sometimes we just have to pause enough to receive it and to believe it! How do you make room to hear the Lord when the world feels like it is falling on you? How can you calm yourself enough to breathe in His love when the going gets tough?

Prayer: God, help! Help me when temptation comes. Help me when the going gets tough. You say, there is always a door of escape. Show me the door. Show me the way. Show me the paths of grace and life. I thank you that you are always there to help me. Lead me in all your ways. Lead me in the way of love. Heal my inner pain. Heal my sadness. Heal rejection. Heal anger and bitterness. I want to love you and others with all my heart. Grow me in your love. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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