I can’t stop remembering.
I want to, but I can’t.
Already processed words, feelings and hurts remain pressed up in me – concentrated.
Like cars at a landfill, I have squeezed in so much; these memories tower high.
Sure, I want to wave goodbye,
but my mind holds on as if I am losing a long lost friend.
Sure, I want to finally turn my back on the, tears, embarrassment, shame and pain –
but it seems I would negate or excuse all that happened.
So, I hold on, like one carrying a stinky diaper.
I hold on like one dealing with month-old trash.
I hold on like a 2-year old looking around at who may hit them next.
I keep my stink near, out of fear.
Why? Yes, I raise my hand, to acknowledge what I am about to tell you is a lie. But it lures me every time.
The Lie:
Tying myself up in yesterday,
will keep my heart from being tied up today.
So, I keep my antennae’s up and out;
threats are analyzed.
My warning bells are working and tested;
safety walls can fly up.
On-demand memories are readily available;
they are the boot camp to my feet, helping me to run as needed.
But, does my strategy even work? Because it seems I spend a lot of time in the landfill – walking over bad waste, smelly pieces and unloved emotions.
I can’t help but ask, does being around the stinky
somehow generate the sacred?
I don’t think so. So, why do I keep doing it?
My delay in demolishing only seems to work in demolishing my heart yet again.
That is what happens to wastelands of bad memories, they only hang out to make things more disgusting. I don’t want to allow flies to buzz, mold to grow and my heart to grow cold to others because of the garbage that I can’t seem to unload.
The reality is, when I take a hard and fast look:
Reserving these pains doesn’t revive my worth.
Remembering the frustration doesn’t relieve my agony.
Reliving these pinpricks doesn’t reject future hurts.
It just doesn’t. And, God knows it too.
Simply said, he tells us, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” Is. 48:13
I love what comes next even more:
Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.
The wild beasts will honor me,
the jackals and the ostriches,
for I give water in the wilderness,
rivers in the desert,
to give drink to my chosen people,
the people whom I formed for myself.
that they might declare my praise.
Is. 48:19-21
Notice this: Here, God doesn’t care much about fixing an old thing;
he cares about doing a new thing!
He cares about:
Generating life out of now-dead things.
Making the wild-ones obey and honor him.
Giving water to the souls with holes.
Providing for his chosen people.
When we see past the days of old,
we see the abundance of God.
When we keep our heart in today,
we suddenly step up above the fray.
God wants to give us the essential and the substantial
to fill us with his potential.
Notice the result? It is powerful. God in his wisdom protects our skittish mind from doing what it loves to do best. He prevents us from acting like a pig in a trough – returning to his old stink.
How?
He replaces our precautionary stance with a praised-filled one.
Suddenly our arms move from crossed to open.
Our eyes look from side-to-side, to straight up.
Our heart is laid down at his feet, just trying to inch closer to his goodness, rather than closed up in safety walls.
Our eyes are open to see goodness rather than pain.
Restoration rather than hardship.
Glory rather than trash.
And, it is beautiful, budding beautiful, sunrise beautiful, springtime beautiful. It captures our eyes with new hopes, new dreams and new what-ifs. It opens up a whole new world – a fresh, exciting and adventurous world.
I guess the choice is mine, it’s ours…
We can choose to sit in the pain of yesterday
or we can choose to sit in the glory of today.
I know which one I am going to pursue.
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Kelly, You are not alone in the walking the wall and keeping your guard up. Why are we so afraid of letting go of pain? I love this line: “My delay in demolishing only seems to work in demolishing my heart yet again.” So true. Let’s help each other put our hands to the plows of praise – and never look back. Thank you~
Thank you Karen. There is so many unsaid feelings in the words, “You are not alone.” I thank you for your love. All praise to God, who understands.
All I kept thinking while reading this today was POSTURE!
It’s incredible the heart change that can occur when I just physically lift my hands and look up to the sky! I have to really get over myself in order to do it — it’s like my hands are magnetically attached to my sides and it is a true act of worship to raise them.
I want today not yesterday 🙂
Yes! Arms up – seeing, believing and beholding him. Thank you for your words Sarah.
Do you think this is also tied together with Jesus’s admonishment about ‘don’t worry about tomorrow, for it will bring its own worries…’ That squeezed in land-fill feeling of too much in too little space…? You have given much food for thought, Kelly. I want to welcome each day with arms wide-open. God, help us to welcome each day as the next step in your amazing plan. You are good. We trust in you. Thank you for Jesus and the amazing grace that allows us to put feet forward instead of back. Amen. May joy find us ready this week.
Thank you Jesus; you always make us walk. Celebrating our great God with you today Janet.
There are times we need to walk through the past to get to the future. Making sure God is with us on this journey will allow the healing to take place as well as the cleansing we need to be able to keep our eyes focused up rather than everywhere else. Powerful metaphors today as you compared your past to a landfill. Thank you for an honest heart which is evident in your words.
How true that is Mary. We do have to walk through to get to. Wise words.
How true that is Mary. We do have to walk through to get to. Wise words.
I do believe that pain and suffering can be addictive. There have been times, and perhaps there will be again, where I wanted to hold onto the “stink” rather than surrendering it to God and embracing the life He wants for me.
It can be a great place to hang out in and have a pity party. Right there with you MB.
Ooooh yes, I know how that feels – that hardened heart too afraid to let anything else in. So glad that YHWH takes time to melt even the hardest of hearts and heal even the deepest of wounds, where would I be unless… but and even still I am a work in progress.
He does meet our deepest needs Florence. We have such a good God.
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Beautiful encouragement today. One of my pastors often remind us that God is all about making things new.
He is. He loves, loves, loves to re-new us again and again and again. Worshipping Him.
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I love that you referred to bad memories as wastelands. How true that is, my friend. I can too easily get wrapped up in them as well. Thank you for this beautiful and important encouragement today, Kelly! “We can choose to sit in the pain of yesterday or we can choose to sit in the glory of today.” Amen :).
We have a new home and it is not a landfill. I celebrate this with you Candace.
Kelly, I haven’t linked up here before, but so glad to have found your post today. Those words in Isaiah — rivers in the desert and a way in the wilderness. These are promises that give hope. Thank you for hosting this vibrant community!
Thank you for joining Michele. What a pleasure it is to have you as part of the linkup today. New hopes, new dreams, new life!
Dear Kelly- God has set you on fire with His Holy Spirit- keep pouring out as He fills you up to overflowing. You are speaking life. Stay connected to Him, from Him comes this holy fire that burns in your heart and through your words.
Thank you sweet friend. God is using you in my life.
Sitting in the glory of today, yes!! I notice that as the day wears on and I become tired, those thoughts are more likely to seep in. I’m so thankful that we are renewed every single morning. His rest and vision is fresh and motivating…He keeps our eyes focused ahead with His promises of hope. Thanks Kelly!
Here we are Lord, will you use us. We are not fastened to yesterday but willing in today. Let’s go Meg!
As we journey through the painful seasons {and yes, there are many}, may we not get stuck in their muck and mire, but allow God to carry us through to those green pastures that lie ahead. And may we learn the lessons He longs to teach us along the way.
He is so faithful …
Thanks, Kelly.
Oh my gosh, Kelly. There are SO MANY good lines of truth in here. This was one that caught me: “The Lie:
Tying myself up in yesterday,
will keep my heart from being tied up today.”
We are alike in many ways, and today’s post spoke straight to my heart. Thank you, friend.
A NEW thing! We all love new things. Bury the old, open the new! Kinda like getting a present. And it is…a present from God. Our new self in Him. Love this Kelly.
Susan
This right here: “I guess the choice is mine, it’s ours…
We can choose to sit in the pain of yesterday
or we can choose to sit in the glory of today.”
Such a beautiful post, friend! May we choose to bask in the glory! Thank you for pouring out these Spirit-words this morning. Praying God’s blessings on your day. #RaRaLinkup
I’m a dweller so this speaks so deeply to my heart. Thank you for the reminder to choose to move forward with Jesus instead of sitting back in my misery.
Hello Kelly, thank you for the wisdom you have shared today.
I can’t add anything more everyone has written well.
*smile*
Hugs…
God bless
So grateful for your words today, Kelly! It is so, so hard to not live by the memories at times. I love the exhortation to turn it into praise. : ) Thank you!
I spend a lot of time in the landfill – walking over bad waste, smelly pieces and unloved emotions. WOW–that’s a powerful statement. Yes, indeed…reliving or staying in those things is stinky! As always, thanks for sharing your heart so transparently today, Kelly
Sweet Kelly,
How I have missed your beautiful words of wisdom and your heart that chases after the glorious things of God. Your words breathe life today. Thank you, dear one, you are doing a wonderful work!
Much love,
Kamea
I am honored to be a faithful steward next to you Kamea.
So good, Kelly! May we choose to sit in the glory of today!
Let’s sit with our first love, Joanne.
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You are not alone, Kelly. Sometimes it’s hard not to dwell on the past pain. Thank you for being open and honest about it. It makes me feel less alone. May we choose to again and again reach out for Jesus’ hand to get us out of that stinky landfill.
Thank you Trudy. We are all together, standing outside of that landfill today.
Kelly,
What a great encouragement to remember God is doing a new thing and when the past raises its ugly head, we can give it to God…blessings to you 🙂
He loves to work in his new thing. He is at work.
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God has a way of giving new life. I love that Isaiah verse too…because God does make new things. I don’t know if I’ve shared this before but one of my fave verses has become Psalm 30: verse 5. “Weeping may come for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” God has this way of eventually turning our weeping to something new, to restoring us to joy, etc. Your post really has me thinking tonight. Thanks for your words Kelly!
He does. He is so faithful to give to us Tara. I love that verse.
I just went through this with a close family member. I’m thinking should we just be bitter and angry because we are both stubborn, or should we forgive each other and try to work things out. Love and family always wins, even though it is so hard some days. Thanks for sharing and for hosting! Blessings 🙂
Thank you for reading this Kelly. It is a pure joy to have you.
I love that verse so much, and you described beautifully how those new things can only spring forth when we’re willing to “let go of our stink!” That made me laugh a little, since it so perfectly describes what’s actually happening when I hold on to fear, anxiety, and shame. Thanks for sharing these thoughts and for hosting!
You bet Laura. Thank you for joining today.
Kelly,
Thank you for your insight today! God does not want us to live in the past. We were not put here to live in worry, fear or lack. We are children of the most high, and our potential is unlimited. Team Transformation has a dream to transform the world, one person at a time. Thank you for reminding us that people need to hear the message of renewal and hope through Christ.
<3 Team Transformation
http://www.asideofchange.com
We do need to hear the message – over and over again. Thank you for joining here today Dejon!
Interesting you should write about bad memories on the linkup this week. Just in the past few days I’ve encountered some bad memories along with some very good ones. But the bad ones helped me to see that I was harboring some anger and needed to deal with it. I can’t say that I’ve totally dealt with it, but God is working and helping me to forgive. Love you, Kelly. You are such a bright spot!
Gayl, I am so glad God is your great aide and assist rescuer. I love how you run into your Father’s arms.
It is hard to get over bad memories. I often deal with letting go of the bad memories of my past. But I realize I have a choice to overcome those memories and put them behind me. God wishes for all of His children to have a good future and that is what I believe!
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