Frustrated, I pumped harder, as if each New Year push on the elliptical would propel me into progress, as if it would really get me somewhere. The only thing it seemed to propel me into, however, was pressure. Pressure from words like: Must. Move. Forward. Must. Make. Difference. Must. Do. Well.
Sure, I wanted to do things for God,
but somehow I lost God in the process.
It seemed God took off in the dense woods that laid in the window before me. I pumped faster, but man-made machines and ambitious routines, never have effectively lassoed God’s heart. I stayed lost.
Where did you go, God?
I didn’t know.
Sometimes it appears God leaves those who miss his perfectly placed bread crumbs – those who start looking left and right, only to unknowingly trample on his love lying on the center of the path. Those who get diverted by moving wind, shadows, scary branches, prickly vines and oncoming clouds.
It appears the more lost we get, the more lost we become.
What do you do when your steps have landed you into the density of
vanity, superficiality and absurdity,
therefore making drivability back to your great God nearly impossible?
This is what I considered as I huffed and puffed.
God, I need you.
God, please help me.
Lord, there is none like you.
I have brought myself far, by looking at far off things,
far off people
and far of progress that you did not yet claim for me.
Reset my eyes, my mind, my being.
Like a magnet that cannot be deterred from you.
Like a body double that lives inside you.
Like a duplicate of your being.
Like a child on a parental leash.
Clone my desires to be of your genetic makeup.
For I know you use those who serve low, that reach deep and lay down to lift another higher.
I know that you delight in the adult who picks the unconnected, unwanted and unmerited kid’s table – and then serves them.
I know it is not progress you care about but the process of sitting at your feet,
where we hold your feet like jewels,
and then cleanse them with unrestrained
I-will-do-anything-for-you, I-have-no-place-to-be – adoration.
For then, we go out in the world and clean the wretched filth off those we detest and despise –
except for one thing, we start not to detest and despise them so much anymore,
for it is in pure that pure is forged.
Lord, it is your purity we are after.
White as snow.
Innocent as a dove.
Undefiled as a baby’s first breath.
Unrestrained by the contamination of the world.
Moving as holy.
Being in you.
Not “outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside [being] full of hypocrisy and lawlessness” (Matthew 23:27), no God, not like that. Instead, may I be outwardly appearing available, lowly and humble AND inside full of giving, loving, gentleness, kindness, patience, authenticity, defenselessness and purity.
My pumping continued on the elliptical, but in that moment, I let my shoulders soften. I let my arms rest a little, for each movement was starting to feel owned, controlled and in place by one above my own motions.
And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure. 1 Jo. 3:3
When we fix our eyes on the purity of Jesus,
purity gets fixed within ourself.
My eyes gazed ahead, into the unknown density of forest, but now, just a little more, knew where I was driving towards – purity. This meant, I would keep watch for the breadcrumbs, follow his trail and get low so he could be high.
And then the amazing happened!
As fast as a flash of lightening, God seemed to flash purity, as if to show I was on the right path. Even though my eyes couldn’t believe it, even though I was surrounded by a hundred moving pieces of steel gym equipment, even though the forest ahead looked dark and daunting, still…a dog, burst onto the scene. White. Snow White. Pure. Free. Playful. Beckoning. Moving. Inviting. Gesturing. Delighting. Knowing his way. Sure of his being. Calling me to follow.
I nodded inside and said, “Lord, more than anything, I want to follow.” And I decided, to push into him.
Prayer for Purity:
Lord, make me pure. Make my insides so sincere that even the smallest fragment of defect cannot exist. Make me so clean that even the smallest particle of dirt would be out of place. Make me so brilliant that only you have a home in the temple of sacred. Make my heart go after not things of high, but places of low. May I drive hard after the uncared for people and places, rather than the lofty spaces and places. May I see the one who feels unseen. May I love the one who the world does not love. May I pursue the heart that is rendered yours. May I be the girl who you know will answer. May I strike a chord in the center of love. May I find a way when all ways seem lost. May I give a hand to the person in need. May I give myself when I have nothing left. And may I find you when I find myself in distress. May you search me out as one belonging to you. May you lend me your kingdom, knowing I’ll do good by you. May I keep it well. May I see your life. And, always, everyday, may I be content – in you, the owner of eternal life. Amen.
A song: To bring you back to “chasing God”, titled “Running in Circles.”
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42 CommentsLeave a comment
May purity be the desire of our hearts as we continue to follow Christ. Thanks for your transparent post. Be blessed! – Kia
Thank you Kia! Yes, may we find clean in the love of our Savior.
“It appears the more lost we get, the more lost we become.” Amen, sister. I spent most of my life lost and just sank deeper and deeper at times. A beautiful lesson here today, Kelly. I love the thought of focusing on the purity of Jesus. What a perfect place to stay. Thank you for your always much needed words, my friend.
Thank you Candace. May we follow after him and keep on going…
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Enjoyed this story this morning, friend! Yes, more than anything Lord, I want to follow. Praying blessing for you this morning.
Thank you Angela. I am glad you enjoyed it. Love you friend.
Thank you for sharing a bit of your journey with our awesome God here. Purity is so important, having a humble, repentant heart before God, but I forget it so easily. Blessings on your week, friend.
It is so important. It is easily forgettable too! Love you Betsy; have a blessed day.
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This post got me broken…thank you for the reminder to chase the most important,God..
I’ve always found something very special about walking outdoors. I have a stationary bike for when the weather’s bad, but when I go a few days without my walk, I feel so depleted. When I walk, I look all around, praying as the Lord leads me. It truly inspires me, even if I’m walking on the simple streets of our neighborhood. The purity of His creation helps me remember the purity I want in my relationship with Him. I love how you express that desire here, Kelly. Many blessings, friend:)
Me too. God is so present in nature. It is staggering!
Beautiful! I sometimes believe we want to stay lost because it is easier in or minds than being found until we turn back to God and find out that isn’t so!
Praying we find ourselves in God everyday as we run through life. He will direct our steps!
It is easier Mary. Sometimes denial is the safest place to stay, or so we tell ourselves. Let’s move out into risk.
Praying that prayer with you, Kelly. Amen! I loved the dog in the forest, too. God often gives me dreams where things “white” represent Him. He’s oh so faithful. Here’s to a 2016 that’s all about Him….
I love those dreams Kristi, what a gift he gives them to you. He is faithful. Into the woods we go, with him!
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What you chase is what you become—ah, so true. Similar to what I love to say-You become what you believe. I’m so glad you “saw the forest through the trees,” as the saying goes. We try so hard to earn favor in life, and when we do that, we’re not so unlike those little hamsters on the wheels, except now we’re women on treadmills and ellipticals. You know, Kelly, I lost 25 pounds last year and I feel great and I think I look pretty good-I’m healthy and I exercise regularly, but it occurred to me the other day that God doesn’t love me any more now that I’m a healthy weight than he did when I was overweight. He loves me the same, NO MATTER WHAT! Isn’t that something to push toward?! Keep going girl, but for the right reasons. Love your transparency.
What a beautiful thought Mary. It almost makes me want to cry – just thinking about his consistent love no matter were you ae. Oh, we praise him! Thank you God you love me even when I am messing up.
Kelly, God definitely speaks through you and ministers to so many. Thank you for your obedience to follow! I had such a hard time coming to grip with that fact that He places His white robe of Righteousness on me and sees me as pure and clean….after all I had been through and done. What a good Father, so now I am breathing in His grace and breathing out His praise!
I love the picture of his white robe of righteousness being put on us. Thank you for bringing that to mind Dana. I want to walk with that today.
Oh yes! When we fix our eyes on the purity of Jesus, purity gets fixed in us. Thank you Kelly. You bring truth to light. Hugs. Susan
Thank you Susan. God loves us to get fixated on him, consumed in his light. Love you. Sorry I missed the linkup last week; I couldn’t seem to get myself back around to it. But, this week I am on!
It is fascinating to me the mindset of mankind. How can anyone think they could do something for GOD? If in Him we move and live and have out being. Perhaps this is the root of our lostness? One can never live any differently than they think. I love your blogs! ❤️
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Amen! Thank you for this beautiful message and for hosting! Hope you have a wonderful week 🙂
This struck me in your prayer, Kelly, “May I be the girl who you know will answer.” I’m praying that prayer right along with you. Thanks for hosting us all today. Much love to you!!
Pushing into HIm with you, friend. Hugs
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Kelly, such a beautiful post. It is so easy to get lost in the world’s sludge, and think we’re right where we should be. Thank you for the reminder that I must seek Him first, follow Him, and obey Him. Your prayer resonated. Thank you, Kelly.
Kelly, This was a great post, but the prayer is what got me. I am praying this prayer with you, my friend! May together we be made pure!
Blessings and smiles,
This was so beautifully written–and perfectly timed. I love the way God reminds us of his character and goodness through people in our lives. Have a great week & thanks for hosting.
I appreciated how you refreshed your soul with purity. Purity is rest. When my thoughts mirror the Lord’s and my action fall in His light, how can the Enemy attack me with guilt? Purity leaves no room for spiritual blackmail. I rest in knowing I have not allowed the impure things within me to remain with out a battle. I work to obey Him, but the Lord rewards my desire to honor Him with purity by anointing me with holiness. He helps me to leave my past sins, past struggles, past shame. We lay aside the sin that weighs so heavy on our spirit. We heal from the pain that thrashes. In a day when purity and holiness has been seen as radical, it was good to read your blog reminding us that Jesus is the Lord of the Sabbath and life in Him will always bring rest. Thanks. Just found you on Twitter. I’ll continue to read. Blessing on your ministry here!
Amazing message, Kelly!
“I know it is not progress you care about but the process of sitting at your feet, where we hold your feet like jewels, and then cleanse them with unrestrained, I-will-do-anything-for-you, I-have-no-place-to-be – adoration.” <— I love this so much!
Thank you so much for sharing, Love! GOD bless you, beautiful friend! 🙂
Great reflections and wonderful reminder my friend!
Often in my zeal to chase after God….I get on up ahead of Him and then I find myself in a dark and scary place. We were meant to follow His light…not run ahead of it. I think too, when I am so intense, I miss God’s playful side…the side that delights and abides. Trying, in 2016, to take myself a little less seriously. Thank you for helping me along….
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