Purposeful Faith

My Christmas Bawl: Read if You Feel Sad

christmas bawl

Right in the center of tinsel, twinkle lights, and towering holly, I lost it. The dam opened today in my living room and waterfall tears gushed out: the house isn’t clean, it looks like a second-rate Christmas, there are problems all around me, I couldn’t get stuff for my husband this year, he didn’t get stuff for me, we aren’t near family…

Add all this to all the unsaid stuff I wouldn’t admit, like — I am sad because I feel alone, I am disappointed, in some ways, with life as it is, and I wish my kids would recognize all my hard work — and I was in a full-blown pity party. Waa! Waa!

Santa isn’t real. Bah-humbug!
I am all alone. Bah-humbug!
I just busted a glass jar of apple cider vinegar in the kitchen. Bah-humbug!
Jesus feels far and isn’t rescuing my emotions. Bah-humbug!

Every expectation that Christmas would show-well — was busted, like little shards of an apple cider vinegar jar. Christmas can cut you if you aren’t careful.

Why? Because Christmas isn’t perfect. Not in my house.

Christmas is tree needles everywhere.
Christmas is family arguments because someone talked mean.
Christmas is presents wrapped up with two extra wrinkled pieces of Christmas papers.
Christmas is a longing to be somewhere else with different stuff.
Christmas is mountain-high expectations with front and center realizations.

Christmas isn’t perfect, but Jesus is. He is perfect. He is love.  And, I am under his love. With this, no matter what self-destructs this year — if the Christmas tree catches fire or if a stray cat wraps itself up in my tree lights or if every trimming is burnt to a crisp, Jesus is still Jesus. And, Jesus still wants me.

He came for me.
He chose me.
He loves me.
Independent of how I act.
No matter how sad I feel.
No matter what a 24-hour day looks like.
Jesus remains fully intent on keeping me near.
He sustains me by the endless well of his grace.

This 24-hour tinsel-tree decorated day will pass and go, but God’s love endures forever. People may offend us, but Jesus’ care covers people’s wrongs. Avalanches of tears show up, but in Christ’s eyes, we are still beloved. Presents may disappoint, but appointed to heavenly purposes, we still remain.

Jesus does not disappoint. Never. We realize this when we actually get around to thinking of Him. His peace never lets us down.

I choose right now to allow him to carry the Holiday-load I’ve been shouldering. Will you?

Jesus is Jesus. The man “anointed to proclaim good news to the poor,” sent “to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind” and “to set the oppressed free…” (Lu. 4:18).

I accept all of this from all of Him, this Christmas. His love makes me well.

Jesus and His care is my best gift this season. I am so grateful.

Prayer: Father, will you please extend a Merry Christmas on each and every one of the readers of this blog? Will you wrap us with your grace, peace, and life. Will you love us? Will you be near to us this Christmas? We want this as a personal gift, from you to us. Give us more love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a "Cheerleader of Faith", Kelly's greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

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9 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Merry Christmas Kelly. You are so loved by God. Never forget that He has great plans for you. You are living them out day by day, moment by moment. Relax and enjoy. He’s got this.

    Love to you and your family.


  • It’s interesting how you write. You’re very forth coming about your fears, pity parties for yourself and why you must hold on to Jesus. It’s true when you go down those avenues the only one you have is Him. You are beautiful and talented!

  • Thank you for praying for me. My Christmas is upside down as well. Behind on bills, very little money for presents and for the first time, no Christmas tree in our home. I am missing the smell of evergreen.

    Thanks for reminding me again Christmas is about Jesus. He gets my upside-down, my sideways, and my right side up. He gets why I am disappointed in my circumstances and still is willing to walk with me and love me where I am.

    Materially, not the ‘best’ Christmas but it is ok cause I am learning it ain’t about stuff I get or give to feel loved. It ain’t about the stuff I lost I thought was so important to have worth. I am loved by Him, Jesus, already. That is enough because He is enough.

    I pray you and your family have a blessed Christmas right where you are in your walk with Lord.

  • Oh my goodness I needed this post of yours!! Thank you! I have been feeling so ashamed of the way I have been feeling!! I too just want sit and sob. I just want the “Peace that passes all understanding” and it hasn’t been coming with all the “going through the motions” of the season. I know we are celebrating the greatest gift ever given, but every year it seems to be lost for me. What we feel expected to do to “celebrate” is so unlike the quiet night and the babe in the manger that put Christ into our Christmas!! I am praying that Peace for you Kelly and for all the rest of us who struggle at Christmas!!
    Thank you! Thank you! For being real for us!

  • I know there is things that are wrong this year, but am choosing to be the gift He purchased, wrapped in grace. It’s a very Merry Christmas brimming with light and love in Jesus. I hope you can believe in miracles and enjoy the same.

  • Thank you for being real. I made a cake and a pie today for my contribution to Christmas lunch tomorrow. I didn’t make the cookies, the breakfast casserole or a nice Christmas Eve dinner. My mom used to do all that and so I shed a few tears in the kitchen for what I didn’t have enough energy to complete and for missing my parents. Christmas may never be like it used to but Jesus is the same and carries us through all the messy days. God bless you.

  • Great post, Kelly. Thank you for the reminder to keep looking to Jesus and for the encouragement to know I’m not the only one who broke down today! (And yesterday)

    I lost a week in here somewhere with sick kiddos. Suddenly it’s Christmas!

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