If you saw me in the heat of the moment, you’d no doubt say, “She isn’t a good Christian. She made a mess of everything and she’s no good. Rotten.”
Sitting here, I’m inclined to agree.
I made a horrible mistake. I didn’t have wrong intentions, but I certainly used the wrong actions. I pointed fingers at people. I unleashed venom on people. I put an electric current on everyone and everything. Left people fried.
And now I hate myself for it. Sitting here. I really do.
I said my, “I’m sorries.” But it doesn’t take away the fact that I was a bad representative for Jesus. It doesn’t take away the fact that some weaknesses get the better of me. It doesn’t take away the fact that people are still suffering. It doesn’t take away the fact that I feel horrible.
Maybe today, you are considering unsubscribing from my blog. I wouldn’t blame you. Maybe you thought I was a better Christian. I guess I thought so too… I suppose I would have relied on God a little more.
These and a hundred more thoughts consumed me as I pressed my head against the steering wheel today, and cried.
Oh, the regret!
Until, something shifted… I imagined Jesus. There. Weak, on a cross, arms wide open, crying out, “Father, forgive (her), for (she) knows not what (she) does.” (Lu. 23:34)
Forgive Kelly, she realizes not how she speaks before she thinks.
Forgive Kelly, she knows not how her mind gets ahead of things.
Forgive ___, she makes mistakes non-stop.
Forgive ___, she tells little white lies.
Forgive ___, she is desperately afraid.
Forgive ___, she is just looking for attention.
Forgive (insert your name), she is …..
What do you hold against yourself?
Jesus died saying, “Forgive them,” and he wrapped things up by saying, “It is finished.”
And, so it is.
Because it is finished, I can be finished with what I did. Because it is finished, you can be finished with your bad deeds too.
Whether they are from today or 500 todays ago, Jesus already declared your worst deeds are done. Let them die.
When Jesus looks at us now, I see him lifting us. I see him beholding his righteousness in us. I see him declaring his holiness in us. I see him noticing his blood that marks us blameless. I imagine him holding us before the world to say, “This is my daughter, with whom I am well pleased.”
This is who we are in his eyes. His view is all that matters.
Anything left after asking forgiveness of others and God is just shame.
Because in Christ, we are loved even when we feel unlovable. We are remarkable, even when we feel marked with sin. We are whole because Jesus gave up every bit of his body. This cannot be undone. It is the permanent power meant for all believers.
Your shame is finished. Right now, let it poof away. Jesus annihilated it at the cross.
This is the power of Christ.
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6 CommentsLeave a comment
Thank you for your transparency and obedience to Christmas and posting thus today. I’ve been persecuting myself all weekend because of the same thing. Thank you for reminding me that I’m forgiven, for Christ’s ultimate sacrifice on the cross. Praying that I can forgive myself.
Oh the weight of shame has robbed me of the joy and forgiveness that only comes from the cross. I sincerely thank you for allowing me to see that I’m not the only one who gets stuck in the muck and that God truly does see me as a righteous woman, not because of who I am, but because of Who’s I am.
I enjoy reading your posts in my inbox every morning. Thank you for your honesty. I feel like we’re kindred spirits. Blessings on your life!!
Kelly, I’m new to your blog and I’m so glad I read this. I never considered Jesus saying “forgive Marie, for she doesn’t know what she does.” That’s so powerful.
Thank you Kelly – just what I needed to hear. It is so refreshing to have a Christian woman be humbly transparent and honest.
Thank-you very much for this beautiful post for today!!! I will always obtain beautiful spiritual insights to help me understand how to walk closer to the Father!!! I feel closer to Jesus when I know how to give my full attention and life to Him!! Thank-you more than very very much!!!
Honestly, your honesty should get you more readers. I know the people who say they never argue or do anything wrong just did. But then there are some who know full well what they are doing, those are the ones who concern me.