Purposeful Faith

When You Are Left Out of The “In” Club

left out

Everywhere I have been there has always seemed to be an “in” club. There has always been an exclusive group of women who have it better than me.

When I was in middle school, I can remember all the girls faces. They pulled together like a band of linked BFF necklaces. They were unbreakable, together and unified. I was not part of it.

While they laughed, skipped and played – I always hoped to be seen.

While they hung out at one area of the pool – I was on the other.

While they whispered funny jokes – I wondered if they were talking about me?

I was left out.

Even growing up, I keep on seeing these “in” clubs…

At work, there was the “powerful group”, they were always a pay-grade and title above. 

Around town, there are social classes. You either have the goods – or you don’t.

In writing, there is the “made-author” group, these are normally the untouchable women via email or social media because they have “people” who take care of that.

No matter what club it is, one thing remains the same:

They are in the light, I am in the dark.
They are center stage, I am in the back row, breaking my neck to see.
They are fun-and-games, big lights and cameras, I am alone.
They are loving life, I am just trying to figure out how to see the action.

I am in the back row and they are in the front.

They have the best seat, I have the worst.

In a way, I feel victimized. I feel left with no decision, just left out.

Have you ever felt this way? Excluded?

But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests. Jo. 14:10

What if God has placed us in the lower seat,
because he can best use and grow us there?

What if, over time, that exact seat is what gives us a
freeing view of life
only observable from that vantage point?

I can’t help but notice that those sitting in the lower seat, he refers to as “friend.” In a low seat, you almost can’t help but grow in relationship with God.  You call on him. You need him. What if we were to see our seats differently?

Because, God says, what we consider our detested seat,
soon enough will become – our honored seat.

I don’t want to hate what he loves.

Do you?

I can’t help but think of how he grows a person as they sit down low and in the center of “abandoned”

He looks at them and says:

You don’t need other people, you just need me. You don’t need status, you just need my righteousness. You don’t need looks, wealth, intellect or ability, you just need my purity. I didn’t seat you high, because where I can best mold you and make you is when you are low. Then, I can dig my hands in deep and let them recreate the best you, the you that is truly made in my image. So, keep not your eyes on things or fads, that will come and go, but keep your eyes on me, for I will last forever. And, forever we will go. I love you child and in my club, you will forever reside.

The lower we go, the higher our view of God.

We must decide.

Will we spend our life crying that we sit low,
or will we spend it in peace,
as we remember that God never fails to bring his loved ones high,

in due time?

Whether on earth or in heaven, at the proper time, we will be exalted.
We will be exalted to glories unexplainable,
to words unspeakable,
to life unknowable,
to hope unbreakable,
to peace unfathomable,
to community unparalleled,
to love unsurpassed.

And we will know, we have just uncovered the seat that has been waiting for us all along.

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Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a "Cheerleader of Faith", Kelly's greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

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16 CommentsLeave a comment

  • We are FMF neighbors again! Wow, I really loved this. Your writing style is wonderful. So easy to get brought in and reflect on your words. Yes, I can totally relate to never truly feeling like I have arrived socially, from elementary school to this day. The great thing is, I don’t care much anymore (on most days, haha). When we focus on eternity, so much of this really doesn’t matter, does it? Great job.

  • Love this so much, Kelly. YES TO THIS: “What if God has placed us in the lower seat,
    because he can best use and grow us there?” Your words bless me today!

  • Yes, take the seat He has assigned you. Just like Joyce Meyer did at her house for 7 years teaching a Bible study and Christine Caine did for 20 years as a youth pastor before launching A21.

    Do the work. He calls you (and me) friend. Now that’s blessed, isn’t it Kelly?!

  • I love your perspective on this … Growing us in the lower seat … The lower we go the higher our view of God. True Words!! I, too, was not in the “in crowd” … And often find myself there today as well. But it does make the relationship with Jesus sweeter. Enjoyed your post today, Kelly.

  • Kelly, this is such a beautiful way to look at something we all struggle with. Recently, I had been feeling left out and I remember thinking to myself, look for the good. The good was that because I was not invited to a certain function I then had the chance to get to know someone else that evening and thus sparked a friendship 🙂 Have a happy birthday and a wonderful weekend Kelly.

  • Hi Kelly!
    Happy to be your neighbor at the Linkup at Suzanne Eller today. Your post so much blessed me! I was never in the “in” group either and although the Lord has taught me much and healed those spots, I was so delighted to read your confirmation of what I have already discovered! Blessings on your day and the station He has called you and you alone to fill!

  • Kelly, Kelly, Kelly! You’re looking through the wrong end of the binoculars! 😉 You may feel you are in the back row, but there are only two rows in front of you! I don’t think any of us see you the way you see yourself. You are such a bright shining star! You’re a wonderfully special encourager. I love your precious heart. <3

  • God Bless you . . .Kelly. Thank you for taking the time to write this insightful truth regarding society’s view vs. God’s view. It brought tears to my eyes this afternoon. It really is.. SO.. true; regarding where God, wants us at times in our lives. We need to be in the right place; for that “molding” to take place; even if it means we are in a low place. Thank you for speaking the truth ! ~ Praise you sister . . . 😀

  • I can relate to the subject of feeling like you belong; VS. not belonging. Thankfully; I never had any issues with this growing up. I feel, blessed knowing I had a good group of friends to hang out with; but their was a group of girls my age in my neighborhood that I didn’t clique with. Partly, because I had enough inner strength / common sense “not too”. My own common sense and opened eyes; could see “right through” them and into their real personalities. ( your typical mean Jr. High school girl mentality with this bunch ). Praise, God: my mom had taught me at a young age to become a good judge of character. This has been a real blessing my whole life. Looking back now; I’m glad I turned away from this group. No one needs to hang with “phony, gossipy, mean spirited” women or men. This point really came home to me in my adulthood; about 15 years ago. And, in a place I never thought it would happen: in my church. A women I had become close to at church; hurt me deeply one afternoon. I accidentally heard her openly gossiping about my husband + I, to another lady friend at church. As, soon as I saw them both; she stopped speaking, turned away and walked off. To say I felt “stunned” + hurt; is a understatement. I never had expected this from another girlfriend; and one that had home bible studies.

    My husband and I had been going through some real trials at that time and our marriage was in trouble. I never opened up to her about my marriage; but somehow her husband “knew”; and he must have spilled the beans. Gossip to me is one of the worst issues; it truly hurts people. I felt so uncomfortable; after what had happened; I stopped going to church. ( And, this church was wonderful ! )

  • I’m with you here, Kelly. I just want the seat that God has reserved especially for me. When he moves that seat to a different place, I’ll move. If He has me stay put, I’ll stay right here. This reminds me of a talk I heard by Christine Caine about staying in your place, the place God assigned you!

  • Kelly, I so love your message. God gives us our worth. He calls us wonderful. And whether we are a part of the “in” crowd or the “out” crowd, we are just as worthy and valuable! I so wish I would have understood that as a young child and adult. Many tears and heartaches were suffered because I let the crowds determine how I felt about myself!
    Beautiful encouragement today!
    Blessings and smiles,

  • Hi – I’m No. 93 of the fmf link-up party and I’ve just shared my first post where I’ve actually linked up!

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post and as someone who always feels on the outside of things, could strongly relate. Thank you for reminding me that the principles of God’s Kingdom runs counter to the world’s.
    Have a blessed week. 🙂

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