Pop Quiz: What is 1 thing you likely take for granted, yet could bring monumental joy, growth and connection if paid attention to it?
Answer: Your marriage.
Friends, most days I hardly look at it: I rush through breakfast, trying to start my day; I give a little hello near the Keurig; I listen and quickly respond; I go through the bare-bottom motions, trying to make sure I’m at least good enough to get by; I get ready to watch TV instead of to connect; I respond based on my own opinions, rather than hearing his; I focus on the kids and then remember he’s there too.
Uh-oh. Can I admit to you all? I am not the model wife.
And, while it pains me to write this, I have found such encouragement in the book, “A Wife’s Secret to Happiness” by Jen Weaver.
Right off, in the first chapter, her words meet my heart: “God will not call us anywhere his presence does not go with us,” she says, “He will not ask us to do what he has not equipped us to complete. The Lord longs to lead our marriages into spacious place, interwoven with his peace and strength…the day you made your vows He participated in an active agreement, invisible, yet majestic in glory.”
Thank you, God…we are not doing this thing called marriage alone. The Creator of our universe is creating something new, as we listen, go and respond with him. He is working within the confines of our arguments, annoyances, and mishaps to create space, love and peace. Bring it, God! I need that.
To ignite his power, one question remains: Will we let him in to work – by listening, seeking and following or will we continue doing the same ‘ole stuff?
What does it look like to let Him work?
I’m finding, it’s:
Prayer over panic.
Listening rather than responding in flesh.
Trusting God’s timeline to change, rather than my own.
Seeking to notice his good, before his bad.
Jen Weaver breaks down specific ways to see these high and lofty goals through (Thanks Jen!):
- Write down index card prayers. Carry them with you.
- Ask God to bless your husband right when you’re in the heat of battle.
- Remind yourself to welcome God’s presence. Put reminders around your house with verses.
- Scribe 5 pain points you have about your marriage. Bring them to God and ask them how he wants you to work them out.
- Remind yourself, through scripture, how God has been there for you and won’t abandon you now.
Marriages that work, take work. If I’ve learned anything – it’s this. But, I’ve also learned, when God is at work, things seamlessly fall into place. Like Tetris. Bing! Connection happens.
Where do you need to let God take the lead? How might he want to put things together again? How might his small nudges be leading you to a greater outpouring of love?
Love that looks like:
A hug.
A listening ear.
An open fist.
A generous portion of time.
An opening of your whole heart.
A letting down of guard.
A soft-spoken word.
Open arms.
Undue forgiveness.
An offering of grace.
A handing-over to God (Re: the past).
An excitement for the future.
Reliance on the Sustainer, Overcomer, and Creator.
Wherever God is calling you – if you step in, He’ll meet you there.
Learn more about a Wife’s Secret to Happiness!
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[…] head over to Kelly Balarie’s site to read her thoughts on Chapter 1 of A Wife’s Secret to Happiness. Then head over to […]
Love this post, and this visual Kelly, “But, I’ve also learned, when God is at work, things seamlessly fall into place. Like Tetris.” Yes! I want that favor as frequently as possible!! 🙂
“Where do you need to let God take the lead?”
What a great question to consider, to ponder over. It is so easy to fall into a routine in our marriage and generally as they say it’s the squeaky wheels that get the grease (children, job, etc.); it so very important for us to be purposeful in our relationship with our spouse.
Yes! Love that question! It’s so easy to let those areas slip by unnoticed.
Love this post and your perspective Kelly! You grant us permission to be real and vulnerable with each other but also encourage us to allow God to challenge and grow us in Him. Thanks so much for sharing!
I have a hard time with independence and although my husband loves this, it can be a huge thorn when it comes to simple things like helping him when he’s sick. I think to myself, “Well if I can do everything sick, he can at least get his own soup.” Yesterday, Jen’s book came into practice because it’s definitely still fresh in my mind. He’s been suffering from tooth pain and asked for a shake because he can’t chew. It was late last night. I got up (from the comfort of my book and couch) and went to grab a shake and mashed potatoes. His only comment was, “She does love me.” He mumbled this out loud and it stopped me dead in my tracks. Well of course I do!! But, I know he doesn’t always feel like this because of my independence. I need to do better. Thank you, Jen. I so appreciate this post from Kelly and the book.
Oh that’s so great!! Sometimes the little practical demonstrations of love can go so far!! Way to go!