Was my heart going to break? I wasn’t sure, but I surely wasn’t waking up in worship and praise like most days. This day, I woke up pressed against a problem. My mind circled it as if, by treading and stomping around it, I’d knock down its walls.
It wasn’t happening. Overthinking never works that way.
It’s her fault. If only she didn’t rush me like that. If only she took a second to think about where I was coming from. If only she was nicer. If only, I was nicer too, I guess. Why do these things happen to me? Why am I being hit by the enemy the first minute I wake up? It is his fault. I am so frustrated. The enemy is coming after me. He’s stealing this day from me and God!
But was he?
Sometimes we cast on the enemy, what guilt we need to own ourselves. Often, our knotted and torn heart is not anyone’s doing, but ours. Our distance from God, doesn’t belong to opposition, but to us. Even when our insides get turned inside-out, it might not be the devil chasing us down, but God – because He loves us.
The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son. (Heb. 12:6)
God loves us so much, he wants to correct us and help us back along his way.
I didn’t want to say I’m sorry. Not that!!! It’s embarrassing to return back to someone you hardly know and admit that you acted like a buffoon on no sleep, high caffeine and low wisdom. No God, not that!!! Anything but that!
Pride wars against wisdom.
Repentance returns us to it.
I considered this thought, but, still, my “right” side warred. It wanted opinions to rule and self-preservation to guide: Kelly, they weren’t entirely in the right either. Kelly, you’ll look stupid.
A choice presented itself: Will I press on through the day with nagging and gnawing guilt or would I cease and desist, rest and return to God’s path, his insight, instruction and leading?
It’s not always an easy thing to admit your wrong.
What do you need to apologize for? Confess to God? Clear out of the gutters of your mind so you can think straight? So you can get back on God’s path? So, wisdom rather than worry can return?
God says: Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord… (Acts. 3:19)
If refreshment is what repentance gets, I want it. Don’t you?
Maybe you’ve been blaming a husband for his high and mighty ways?
Nitpicking a child for her pre-teen tone of voice?
Coming down hard on yourself for not doing more in life?
Silently cursing a neighbor for her unthoughtful tending of her yard?
Overthinking your life and literally, everything you do?
Criticizing a person’s success and demeaning your own?
Why refreshment might your loving daddy want to walk you to?
I finally decide I want it. So, I get down on my knees and say I am sorry. I crawl, almost on all fours, to the person I hurt and say, I’m sorry. I look not at the devil, I consider not every way he is at fault, I consider, instead, how I am at fault, and I just move. I get where I need to go. I speak it. I take it out of my heart. I send it up to heaven. I hand a peace offering across to them.
And, just like that, the weight is lifted, the treading, stomping and circling ends. My heart beats freely again.
Confession is hard in a moment, but comfort returns right after. Refreshment arrives.
Kelly’s new book, Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears has been called “A must read,” “Breathtakingly honest” and a “Great Toolbox to Overcome Fear.” Read it today.
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“Sometimes we cast on the enemy, what guilt we need to own ourselves. ” Amen. I do believe we can wave the enemy over! That’s why God tells us to “pray about everything.” EVERYTHING. He’s so good! Somedays, I really do need to pray out every single feeling I have about a situation! But God … it really does help to pray it all out. He’s so faithful.
Happy Tuesday!
#RaRaLinkup!
Megs
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Kelly, I’m with you — sometimes we give our enemy far more credit than he deserves. (And, like you, I can get into enough trouble on my own . . .)
Thanks for sharing your story today, and for this community!
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I do find apologizing very helpful—it makes me realize that I’m not perfect and keeps me humble!! I just did it yesterday—even though it was so hard!
jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Kelly,
This is powerful stuff!
“I consider not every way he is at fault, I consider, instead, how I am at fault, and I just move. I get where I need to go. I speak it. I take it out of my heart. I send it up to heaven. I hand a peace offering across to them.”
#Wisdom
Praying you continue to allow God to speak to you and that you follow Him even when it’s difficult or humbling. May you be Blessed & Refreshed today.
~Sherry Stahl
xoxo
Wise words, Kelly. I think sometimes we give too much credit to the enemy when we don’t want to take responsibility for our own nasty thinking.
I was just in a discussion this morning about this topic. We rarely realize how bad we really are and, just like Eve, we tend to pass blame on to Satan rather than admitting our own guilt. (Not that he isn’t guilty but we tend to try to make our guilt seem less by passing the buck much too often.)
Kelly, such wisdom here. I’ve had to apologize to one or the other of my children more times than I care to admit. And yes, there’s comfort and refreshment when I am obedient to do so.
It’s so easy to blame the enemy for things. When really, I need to own up to my own sinfulness and be restored with God and others.
God is showing me so much about repentance lately. I think it’s easy to dismiss certain attributes of our faith as “old school” and not relevant today, but maybe that means that they are even more necessary.
Grateful for your words of truth!
Kelly- this was so good! Yes, I like to blame the devil a lot. I never thought of God twisting my feelings up to lead me closer to Him. Great thought, I’m going to have to think about that more! 🙂
Kely – great post on not doing what we call in our house and blame-shifting… yep, it’s a thing- we push responsibility for things to others or even the devil, when in reality it is us and our hearts that need to own it, repent from it and move forward. I love your story and how transparent you were with how we all feel about having to go and ask forgiveness. Thanks for hosting today
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“Confession is hard in a moment, but comfort returns right after. Refreshment arrives.” This is so true. We know it, we feel it, and yet saying I am sorry is still so difficult.
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