At night I put on white noise. I first started this practice for the kids. This way, if friends were over or the TV was on — the kids wouldn’t wake up. But then, I came to like white noise. Now, loud trucks don’t wake me. My husband’s sound as he rolls over doesn’t bother me. Rain is soothing, or at least normally. . .
. . . except for the other night. The other night, the white noise cut off, completely. It felt soul-shocking.
I don’t know if it was because I was half-asleep, groggy, or in a dream, but it almost seemed as if the world as I knew it — shut off. . .
As if the white noise of this world’s hustle, bustle, busy, urgent, voices, words, conflict, people, interruptions, life, needs, habits, requests, and my internal voice — shut off. . .leaving quietness. Nothing. Me.
Before Jesus.
Will this be what it sounds like when I meet Him? Whereas once my mind ran 1000 minutes/second, it will all cease. And there He will be. Standing. In quietness. Fullness. Looking at me.
I felt bare. Me and Him. Him and me.
Jesus, am I enough for you. Jesus, am I good enough? Will you accept me?
No good theology ever attacks at midnight hours. I’m convinced of this. Come daylight. With this thought on my heart, I randomly flipped open my bible. Landing open, I placed my eyes down and read, “Therefore since we have been made right by God’s sight in faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.” (Romans. 5:1-2)
It was Christ who died for me and faith that saved me, due to no work of my own. It is Christ that loves me and Christ that wants me, based on no acts of service I accumulate. It is Christ that died for me and it is Christ that will take me home. It is Christ that loves me and Christ that gives me highest privilege to live with peace and joy.
I am more secure in Christ than I ever have been in anything in my entire life (because He did the work and the work is complete).
So on my last breath, when everything shuts off and this world ends, I will rest. Jesus paid it all. . . all to Him I owe.
The same holds true for you, dear child of God. Jesus did everything for you.
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I was just praying about something recently and confessing I didn’t deserve God’s good answer. I was reminded that none of His dealings with me have been on the basis of what I deserve, but on His grace. I’m so thankful Jesus paid it all.
Amen. Jesus did everything for me due to no work of my own.
Those midnight hours do tend to bring out the dark side of our thinking, and there’s nothing short of Truth to allay the fear and to bring peace.
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Amen and amen. It is so good to know that we can’t mess it up because we didn’t earn it to begin with! We can rest in Him. Thanks for a reminder we all seem to need loudly and often.
God’s love and grace always amazes me!
Beautiful testimony. laurensparks.net
Amen. Thank you.
I love this analogy you use, Kelly. I used to keep my white noise machine on because my husband snored. If the electricity would ever go off, and the white noise stopped, I’d immediately wake up. I’m thankful I don’t have to find out what would happen if Jesus went “off.” He’s always with us.
I have PTSD and often try to control everything to feel safe. I need to remember that Jesus keeps me safe, always has, always will. Nothing I do will change that.
Thank you for sharing your moment with us. Yes, He did it all for us. Amen.