I was pretty sure: I knew my husband’s problem. I knew what was causing him issues — the thing he couldn’t quite put his finger on… I also knew what would help him and change his ways. All the same, I also knew it wasn’t the time, the place, the hour to tell him. It wouldn’t go over well.
While my every emotion said, “Tell him, now. Get it out, already.” Wisdom said, “Stay quiet, Kelly. Wait.”
Ever been there? You almost certainly have because we are all — living on top of each other! Here, more than ever, we easily see things about people: their quirks, annoyances, little things they need to know, and everything they should do.
In this environment, it can be easy to voice to quick advice. Or, to problem-solve with rapid-fire solutions. Or, to offer missile-like snap-backs at a moment’s notice.
What is annoys you? How do you react and respond? What do you voice and verbalize?
With my husband, in this case…I listened to wisdom; I didn’t speak. Instead, I prayed about God making-known the issue to him. About three days later, my husband approached me and said, “Kelly, what do you think about….?”
I told him everything. He listened and changed course.
I learned something critical here: more important than what I do say is what I don’t say. A withheld-word is wisdom-in-action. It is the difference between a person knowing my opinion and God’s breakthrough.
“A man of knowledge restrains his words, and a man of understanding maintains a calm spirit.” (Prov. 17:27 Berean Bible Study)
More than my knowledge my husband needed God’s breakthrough. More than my kids hearing my complaint, they need a positive environment. More than me having every answer, may my family experience Father God’s leading. More than perfection, may we all embrace grace.
There is so much that doesn’t need to be said — so that Jesus can speak a better word.
The less I say, the more room they have to hear.
Prayer: Father God, may we have the wisdom to know what to speak, when to pray, and how to say what needs to be said. May we be thoughtful about our home environment and how our words affect it. May we be life-bringers instead of hope-stealers. May we walk in an abundance of wisdom. May we trust you to do the work, our mouths are inclined to do. May you breakthrough in every area of need as it pertains to our relationships. You are a much better teacher and instructor than we are. We call for you help today. You have the best answers. We lean on you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
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10 CommentsLeave a comment
This is timely. With being together nearly 24/7, it’s easy to react in a fleshly manner. How we need grace with our words and attitudes.
I have a grown up son who tests me on this point all the time. I can see EXACTLY what he needs to do in a certain situation. It makes perfect sense. But I know if I speak into it, I’ll just set his feet in stubborn mode, and I have to let him “discover” the solution for himself.
Being silent is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do….
I have learned this lesson too. Being urgent to get my words out, and being slow and thoughtful. When slow and thoughtful and waiting for God’s timing, I have also been able to present the situation it in a better way. A way they listen to more because it is not all about me and my ideas but more about them. And because I have been praying about it God has changed my heart and my desire is more out of love for them and not criticism for them. Waiting is so hard, but well worth it. May I remember to do this more often.
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This is such wise counsel, Kelly! So often people really do need a God breakthrough, as you said, and not us trying to play Holy Spirit! Thanks for sharing.
The wisdom to be quiet is not always something I’m great at. But it’s always worth it. God sees that big picture and knows what’s best. It’s my job to obey in faith.
I’ve been in the same situation too. Sometimes I rushed and messed things up. Other times I waited and was thankful. Patience is needed in all our relationship! 🙂
A lot of wisdom here.
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Thank you for your honest sharing Kelly. I had that what do I say moment with my teenage daughter the day after read this blog. The woman if knowledge restrain her word and keep calm. Rather than argue and make my point, I told my daughter to speak to God, and pray so holy spirit can reveal it to her. She has the revelation and change her opinion. I can relate with what you sharing in your blog , because you always honest and raw in sharing your walk with Jesus. Keep writing Kelly. Bless your heart.