What do you do when you do “that thing” that you promised yourself you would
absolutely – under no circumstances – do?
What do you do when you feel crushed inside that you did it?
Much like Paul, I know what I need to do, but then I do the opposite. I do the exact thing I didn’t want to do – and then I feel like pulling my hair out because I did it.
So, my question to God is, “How do you change when your heart says yes but your actions seem to say no?”
Because just the other day I promised myself I WOULD NOT give my husband advice – only to stand outside and instruct him on precisely the right way to remove a buried car from the snow.
In the end, the only thing left buried was – me, myself and I. Under the weight, my actions and my emotions weighed over me, making me feel like I could never escape. They made me uncertain about where to go from here and how to dig myself out from the shame, guilt and regret piled above.
I prayed for a new behavior and looked to the Savior.
I sought a new way, but old tricks seemed here to stay.
I wanted to be Christ-like, but ended up as one to dislike.
I desired to be holy, but was left feeling wholly inadequate.
As I looked at that car, still buried in the snow, despite my best efforts, I felt like a fraud. I felt like a woman who says she wants more of Jesus, but then, can’t act accordingly. I felt like a hypocritical scumbag loaded up with a bag of empty promises to God.
Because I knew what I didn’t want to do – and then I did it.
But God, the God who is so amazing – he comes to my rescue. He shows up on my doorstep eager to set me free. He stands, ready with a huge shovel in hand, hoping that I will allow him to uncover me from the mess I have found myself under.
And I let him.
Step-by-step, scoop-by-scoop he unburies me.
He removes my load.
1st Scoop: I know what you did and I see beyond your actions to your heart.
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Sam 16:7)
2nd Scoop: I am doing something. I hear your call. I know your desire to change. I am doing something new in you. You can’t see it, but trust it. Trust my hand upon you. My work takes time.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Is. 43:19)
3rd Scoop: Don’t dwell on the past. The past is the past. I am worried about the present. I am more concerned with what I am doing today. We have somewhere to go and if you are always looking in the rear view mirror, you won’t be able to drive anywhere with me.
“Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past.” (Is. 43:18)
4th Scoop: You don’t see what I am doing. You can’t see from the beginning to the end, like I can. I am making everything beautiful. Don’t get discouraged. Don’t get dismayed. It will be beautiful – in my proper timing.
“GOD has made everything beautiful for its own time. HE has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of GOD’S work from beginning to end.” (Ec. 3:11)
5th Scoop: Every moment I am working a new thing. All the time, I am at work. Nothing is ever left unchanged with me. You mess up and I start working something new again. You desire change and I offer new thing after new thing after new thing. One day, we will celebrate – because a day will come where all my work is unveiled.
“Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them.” (Is. 42:9)
6th Scoop: Re-new means to make new over and over again. All the time I am making new your mind. This is a process. We are working together, so you don’t have to get down. You will fall and I will help you back up to transform your mind- bit by bit – again and again.
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Ro. 12:2)
7th Scoop: Don’t lose heart. You are growing, changing and transforming. My change is so delicate that you almost can’t feel it. It is so loving that it is tender. It is so gentle that it’s like a the gentle first washing of a newborn.
“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.” (2 Cor. 4:16)
Scoop-by-scoop the Lord’s truth unburies me so that I can stand in front of him not as a cold frozen girl who is shamed by her inabilities, but as a girl who is loved, encouraged and empowered to trust God in his process of sanctification.
God is at work in us and through us, even if we can’t see it.
Let’s trust his process. Let’s rest in his ways.
We can, therefore, step out and uncover our hearts to true life change. We don’t have to fear the process or the master worker, because his ways are gentle. He will bring us to completion.
He will do this – despite how buried we are in the process.
“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:6)
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oh my gosh can I relate! I tend to go back over the semi-thrown-together/made bed. And I make snide comments and suggestions instead of flat out telling him how to do something…for instance…he is constantly putting his dirty utensils on the counter, and then not wiping off the counter, so there is often some sort of nasty residue on some part of the counter. But what do I do? (to be read in shrill, nasal sounding voice) “Ew! What the heck is on the counter? Ugh! I’m always cleaning up crap on the counter.” You get the drift…(speaking of snow). Great eye-opener for me…perhaps a time of repentence is in order…(again, God?…Yes, again, Mary…till you get it!)
Yes Mary! We get each other on this one. It is so hard to be quiet, to be full of grace and to be patient sometimes. It is much easy just to blurt out, which I so often do. I am so thankful that God is to me – how I can’t be to my husband! 😉
Yes! Yes! Yes! How many times have I given myself a pep talk. Reassuring ME that I wouldn’t do that think {eat that last cookie, check FB AGAIN, tell him what I really think} only to do it and just hate myself after.
Great post and wise counsel!
Right? It is so hard sometimes to just do right! Thank you Jesus that you are merciful and grace filled. What a relief it is to have Jesus!
Oh, Kelly, I can so identify with this. I don’t think we are never to give our husbands advice, but I do think the way we present it is important. So often, I think I must make him feel like a little boy because of the way I come across. I can also relate to what Mary said. I’ve made those kinds of snide remarks. Then I feel so bad. It would be so easy to just be down on myself thinking, “Oh no, I failed again. Will I ever learn?” But God in His word tells us He forgives. The slate is wiped clean. And,yes, we will fail again, but God makes us new. I love what you say here: ” He will do this – despite how buried we are in the process.” We need to be patient knowing that He is at work even if we feel like failures sometimes. Thank you for sharing your heart and God’s word.
He does forgive Gayl – oh how grateful I am for that! He is at work and we are so blessed for it, aren’t we. Thank you for bringing truth and love. You bless me.
I am
I am truly blessed by this word of encouragement! For me to always think people thank the worst of me because of my past action! I just got baptized again to renew my spirit and right place with the lord. And guilt is still try to remind me! I know god is working and it will take some time ,but it is also a horrible place and feeling.But one thing I do know he loves me and cares that his word said he chasten after those he love ❤ so if I’m here at this place he will deliver me!
I am so glad this blessed you Wanda. Guilt comes in and attempts to steal so much joy that has already been won for us. Don’t let it win. Stay strong in Jesus; he won’t leave your side. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!
Such goodness in this post. I loved each and every “scoop.” This particularly jumped out at me >>> “This is a process. We are working together, so you don’t have to get down. You will fall and I will help you back up to transform your mind- bit by bit – again and again.”
I am so grateful that He is never finished with us but instead always transforming. Many blessings to you. xoxo
Thank you Beth. I am so thankful for that too. What an honor it is to have the master of the universe always working to change us and mold us and to make us even better than we are today. He is so good to us. Thank you for this comment. Much love to you!
In HIS timing…ahh…that is where I seem to get stuck. I can be so inpatient sometimes (well, most of the time, actually). I have full faith in the Lord; He will fulfill the desires of my heart. I just seem to want God to act according to my own timeline, and not His. Thank you for your words and your heavy use of scripture. I am always blessed when I visit here!
Yes, his timing is so hard. It is so hard to wait, isn’t it Laura? He will take care of us. It is that nugget that will help us get through. Much love to you dear friend.
Then I did it…OUCH. So very true, Kelly. Love the way you paint word pictures. I see myself in this one, more often that I would like. Thank God for His grace and forgiveness.
Right?! I am always messing up. I think I use 90% of God’s grace supply on me- ha! I am so grateful for Him and for you dear Susan!
Thank you my friend. LOVE that we met at SheSpeaks. You challenge me (and many others!) to persevere at this craft called writing. Hugs! Susan
Me too Susan! I can’t wait to hug you this year. Much love to you! You are doing great things. I am so excited for you.
Faith cometh by hearing & hearing by the word of God!
Received ye the spirit by the works of the law or by the hearing of faith?
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Thank you Doug. We are so blessed to have the opportunity to walk by faith and not works!