Purposeful Faith

When Facebook Hurts

When Facebook Hurts

Tears welled up in my eyes. I felt hurt.

I saw the fun.
I saw the laughs.
I saw the friends.
I wasn’t there.
I wasn’t invited.
I was left out.

How do we cope when Facebook hurts you?  Because frankly, people open their lives up like books and sometimes we read into things only to feel left behind or insulted.

How do we overcome the laughs we weren’t a part of?
How do we get past the offensive words?
How do we move forward in love, when we feel hurt?
How do we let go of annoyances?

These were all things I struggled with as my heart broke a little.

I guess for me, it wasn’t just this person that hurt me, but it was all the little ways I saw I wasn’t being included.

I felt left out of the pictures, the recap comments and the moments.  I saw the smiles. I saw the joy. I saw the fun.

Where was I? How could they leave me out?

The small offenses all rushed over me.

But, then I got to thinking – have I really been pursuing others?

Because, no one is going to invite you into relationship if you aren’t available.
No one is going to welcome you to laugh, if you never welcomed them into your house.
No one is going to remember you, if you let the busyness of your day steal the good intentions of your heart.

I am so busy.

These Facebook pains walk me right up to truth –
the Lord loves relationship.

They also remind me that I can’t control what others do. They can do what they do, but God will always be here to help me through. People will hurt me. They will abandon me. They will drop me at the door. They will write things that offend. They will insult too.

But, we can find refuge in the Lord. We can seek his ways. So can you. Let’s open up to take risks, because we are kept under the safety of his wing – kept close, like a protected child.

Under his protection, he will show us how to act.
He will instruct us in truth.
He will arm us with the right mentality.

He releases us from the power of others’ insulting actions, so we may find freedom in the power of his unending love.

Frankly, we all offended Jesus. We actually offend him daily. We insult, we overlook, we leave him out.

But, does he stop loving us? Does he stop pursuing us? Does he still call us into relationship?

We prompts us to extend grace, just as he has.

So, let’s remember:

1.  We are who Christ says we are. Our identity is secure in Christ, not dependent on Facebook.
2.  We can’t expect to be pursued when we are not pursuing relationship.
3.  People are quick to speak and slow to think. We can be like this too.
4.  Jesus shows us unending grace; we can fall into his grace to extend grace.
5.  If we can let go of how others act on us, we can grab hold of how Christ wants us to act to others.
6.  The more we keep our eyes – and heart – on what is true, noble, upright and of good report, the more peace and joy that will be ours. Offenses lose their power.

The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these. (Mark 12:31)

Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31)

It strikes me that we can let go of insults, injury and inadequacies, when we grab hold of truth, God’s truth.

Because, truly, there is only one book that defines us – and it’s not Facebook.

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Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a "Cheerleader of Faith", Kelly's greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

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29 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Oh, I’m so glad you wrote about this, Kelly. One of my children was really hurt by some careless posts on Facebook and now I try to be so careful so that my posts never exclude others or make them feel isolated or inferior. But you’re right, I must teach my kids and preach to myself about where my identity lies- before I ever log in. This is so encouraging and full of truth. Thank you.

  • I talk to women about this topic all the time. Why is it that one social media outlet can single handedly destroy a woman’s self worth? And make us feel like we were the kid left out of the game on the play ground? So silly. Glad you are talking about this too! And love the list!

  • Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry. I truly hope I wasn’t the one or part of the group that made you feel left out. I would feel terrible if that were so. This is such a great post! I love your last line. Yes, it is the Word that defines us, not Facebook. Blessings to you!

  • Kelly, I am so guilty of not pursuing others. I’ve experienced the same options you spoke of, but God gently convicted me of how I treat others. Am I reaching out? Am I showing compassion? Am I thinking of much more than what’s happening within the walls of my home & soul? And I find as I reach out more to others, I’m less concerned about how they’re pursuing me, because when I act like Jesus I’m more filled & find such great company with Him. 🙂 Thanks for your using your hurt to lead others to Truth!

    • It can be so hard Katy, when it seems like there is just no time. What you say is interesting – about when you reach out to others you are less concerned about how they pursue you. Thanks for sharing your heart with me. I am so blessed by you.

  • Great post! I’m a Pastor’s wife and have been greatly disturbed by negative comments about the church–by CHRISTIANS. So sad to see something that can be used in a positive way to connect friends and family become something negative.
    “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, Lord, my Rock and Redeemer.” Proverbs 19:14

    • Yes, it can be so sad what we see on Facebook. A lot of times I leave feeling sad or anxious. God has more for us than this. Let’s pray we can all use it to glorify God and to lift others! Thank you so much for your comment and for visiting today!

  • Bless you sister for sharing this difficult truth with us today. May we all rest in knowing that Jesus loves us with an everlasting love, that we are selected by Him, ordained by Him, approved by Him and accepted by Him.

  • I find that there are all manners of opportunity for hurt in this social media age. You are so right that we must keep our eyes focused on Jesus, and allow Him to fill us up so there is no room for the emptiness that comes from the failure of human relationships. Beautiful post, friend. I’m pinning it to my “Blog Posts That Rock” board on Pinterest! Would love for you to link this post up on Friday at Grace & Truth Link-up.

  • This is so true, Kelly. Thank you for pasting it on our screens today. We moved a year ago, and I’ve found myself dead-center in many of these exact thoughts. In the past moves, friendships “just happened.” In this move I’ve found I’ve had to purse them. It’s humbling and it takes “me” out of the picture. Still working on it, but praise God. Thanks for the honest, encouraging words.

  • So good Kelly. It is so easy to look for validation through social media. I have had to follow God’s promptings many times to have balance with these tools. While we can use them to make Him famous on the earth. We run into trouble if we use it to seek glory for ourselves. Moving forward in ministry makes it extra important to stay focused on Him and not the opinions of man, whether good or bad or none at all. Bless you…

  • Kelly, this is such an important post! I have found myself being hurt by Facebook more than once. Because of that, I really do try to make it so that whatever I post on Facebook doesn’t hurt others but I know I could still be better at that! Thank you for this great reminder that our worth comes from the Lord and not the social media!

  • Thank you for writing about this topic. People always show their best on Facebook and we look at those pictures and status updates and compare them to the worst of our lives. It’s not fair for anyone. I agree that when we look to Jesus, the things of this world turn dim in His light and glory. 🙂 Social media does not define who we are.

    • Yes, Marquitta, I agree. Facebook drives discontentment so often. It makes you see all that you are not – or all that you do not have. I completely agree. Thank you Lord that we have Christ, who is so much greater!

  • “He releases us from the power of others’ insulting actions, so we may find freedom in the power of his unending love.” I love this.

    I recently had a facebook incident that was hurtful too. I had been left out, though I had been reaching out to this friend. As I grappled with my wounded feelings, I was reminded that it was likely not intentional and my worth is in Christ, not my friends.

    Your points to remember are wise and practical. Nicely said!

  • I really identify with this post. Thank you for sharing. This is why I don’t do facebook. I found myself comparing myself to others and making myself depressed. I had to remind myself that facebook is often a highlight reel from someone’s life. Everyone has mountain top experiences and valleys. I have tried to “unplug” from social media and pursue real relationships with family and friends. I love how you said that there is only one book that defines us and it’s not facebook.

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