Purposeful Faith

Why You Lack Friends

lack friends

You talk too much. Alone.
Your words are simply dissertation on yourself. Alone.
You judge others. Alone.
You live too far. Alone.
You make me feel uncomfortable. Alone.
You don’t go deep enough. Alone.
You are a square peg in the round hole that I have designed for my ideal friend. Alone.
You are only free when I am busy. Alone.
You just didn’t end up being who I wanted you to be. Alone.

No wonder I lack friends right now.

I never intended to feel so isolated and so absent of peace in the friend category, but this is what happens when your standards are higher than Mount Everest, when busyness takes precedence over connectedness and when people become more burden over blessings.

I kind of know it is my fault. I do. I have forgotten the fact that unity, relationships and bonds are a calling. When you are called to something, sometimes the jog over to the destination is a bumpy road filled with pot-holes, but all the same – you go the distance – for God.

God will always give the “go,” when all appears impossible. We simply rely on him and he shows us His way.

I implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.… Eph. 4:2

Paul tells us we can do it.

We can walk like people who know, in the end,
their God will take care of them.

We can go in humility, making way for people’s weaknesses. What better way is there to show someone you love them?

We can show tolerance – loving others just as they are, exactly as they are. What better way is there to confirm to our heart that God loves us just the same way?

We can show patience that excuses the mishaps that drive us nuts. What better way is there to become a person that doesn’t drive others nuts with high demands?

We preserve the unity of the Spirit knowing that if this person is a brother or sister in Christ we are bonded forever. What better cause for celebration and unity is there?

The result is staggering. It feels worthy of a jump-up-and-down celebration and a big victory arm raise to my bond-decayed heart: God bonds me over again with his bond of peace.

What is better than that? Suddenly, what looks fallen apart has hope for being pulled back together again.

It’s making sense. While I thought peace was found by running from the horribly unpeaceful, I’m seeing, sometimes, it’s about submitting to the seemingly awful.  As we release our high demands, our relationships fall into better hands. Hands that heal, rather than steal our joy.

Friendships aren’t just about me; I am learning. It seems obvious, but sometimes it can be, oh, so hard.

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Linking with #FiveMinuteFriday and #DanceWithJesus.


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Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a "Cheerleader of Faith", Kelly's greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

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9 CommentsLeave a comment

  • At first I read your title…and thought she’s not even linking on the topic of FMF…but Oh YES! You were! I really liked this post because I’ve too felt “alone” in the friend category. However, I’ve learned that other women feel the same! When I reach out and make plans with others it is SO much better. If I wait to be asked…I remain alone. Them too! Prayers for you as you call a friend today to hang! We are so hard on ourselves and others. Love on sister. Jenn

  • (((Kelly))) So true. So easy to get bound up in busyness that we inadvertently push away those things that rely on slowing down…like relationships. I’m guilty of it at times as well. Thanks for sharing this morning; happy to be your neighbor at the Dance with Jesus linkup. 🙂

  • Kelly,

    Beautiful words filled with His grace. This made me think of that saying, “so Heavenly minded, we are no earthly good.” Oh, for each one of us to remember that every person we interact with is put in our path by God – for a purpose IN our walk with Him to learn, grow and reflect Him as we walk into our calling is powerful. And to learn the lesson He places in our path is when and where His light shines brightest in us.

    I don’t want to be so busy (Burdened Under Satan’s Yoke) that I do not have time for people. Did that with work and lost a son. The price is too high to me. PEOPLE matter! You matter to me, my dear friend.

    Hugs, Susan

  • I love your take on “Alone”. Your words were a good reminder for me that friendship goes both ways otherwise it is not a friendship. Love being near you at #DanceWIthJesus

  • Oh…that part about running from the horribly unpeaceful, Kelly… um…I get it. I totally get that. And in the end I have found it only makes me lonely and looking for a place to connect and grab hands… I hear you in stereo. 🙂

    Learning the dynamic that my soul-filling is only from one source, time with the Lord, and that the flavor and beauty of life can also come from even being in the difficult bonded moments that somehow add so much depth to my character is a little like soul-decorating. Like a sweet frosting, the flavor adds rich depth. 🙂

    Thanks for the way you share grace and encouragement. Praying that the friends who find you are both fillers and decorators for your beautifully prepared soul.

  • Kelly, this is so good. It really is not about me. And that Ephesians verse is one of my faves. I want to live more like that. Visiting from FMF where I’m parked in the #9 spot this week.

  • Kelly,
    Thank you for your honesty! I think many of us have felt that way but are afraid to admit it. My default mode has been, when I don’t hear from a friend, that she is somehow too busy for me – having lots of fun with other people – and has forgotten me. I have found that that is rarely the truth. Many times when we don’t hear from someone it means they are struggling and it is God calling us to be the one to reach out. Great reminders here!

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