My gums were swollen and I’d tried everything… I oil rinsed my mouth. No dice. I headed to a specialist’s office to get a re-treatment for an old root canal. It didn’t work. I got a crown. Still, my gums were swollen. Tender. Throbbing.
Trying to ignore this situation, I sat down with God. A time of inspired bible reading would bless me, I was sure of it, but even still, my mind trailed off…
I can’t fix this issue.
What do I do?
I have a problem that God doesn’t seem to be fixing.
Before long, my fingers dug out my phone from under my journals and my thumbs tapped away. I was frantically searching a variety of new and yet-to-be-found solutions…
Admittedly, in this moment, the gap of my great need was not filled with God, but with an aching pressure to figure things out. I could do it!
One can’t really rest, until “the issue” is put to rest, right? Or, that’s the lie we tell ourselves anyway.
We can’t spend time with God until after the kitchen is cleaned, or the work is done, or the kids act better, or we handle x, y, and z. We can’t really do ministry, until we get our act together. We can’t really love our husband until…
It’s funny though. In retrospect, I was believing a lie…
The lie was: I could manage my future.
The implication was: I lost time with God.
The truth is: there is only one true Manager of my life. Only He is named, Savior — Jesus.
The irony is, the molar recently got pulled, leaving me with a huge gap in my mouth.
Indeed, I lost God in that gap of time, just as much as there is now a huge gap in my mouth. It’s funny how things happen sometimes.
Yet, I will not miss this gap right now, my friends. For here lies a “gap of learning” I can embrace. A huge, blessed gap where wisdom surfaces and where life change happens. And I will embrace it, together with you, dear friend.
For, here, in this “gap of learning”, I remember, I am not the fixer, the controller, or the manager of my future. Better than being a manager, is pure surrender.
Surrender looks like staying with God, even when worry pulls left and right and stress tries to move me up, down, and all around. For trusting Him is more important than figuring everything out.
Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. (Ps. 27:14 NLT)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. (Prov. 3:5-6 NIV)
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