Purposeful Faith

Control Challenge: 30 Days of Not Talking Back To Husband

Not Talking Back To Husband

Epiphany! It is a risk. It is a breakthrough. It is a rarity. Unbelievably, it just happens. We can’t demand it or force it. But, when it happens, your insides do a million little cheers because what you couldn’t see before all of a sudden makes sense. Yes! It happened to me. God pushed down a blockade that has been at least 10-years old and 10-yards thick. With my insides broken, things look different. The potential looks frankly fantastic and tangibly terrifying all at the same time.

Here is the deal, for so long, my agenda is always to have an agenda: 

You have a problem?
This is what you should do.

The kid is crying too much?
I have to figure out every last thing to get him to stop so my head won’t explode.

The plan is unsure?
I will worry my little mind off until something formalizes in my mind.

The husband and I are working together?
I will tell him exactly how to move the couch in the right way.

A family member is in a bad mood?
I tell them to get feeling better so we can start enjoying the day.

God doesn’t answer?
I will be under-the-skin angry at him for not showing up my prayed for “way.”

I fail?
I am horrified at my inability to succeed. I am embarrassed you see me. I defend myself tooth, nail and mouth running 100 miles an hour.

When we manage life, life ends up managing us.

It manages to put us into a hole of anxiety, turmoil and defeat. It manages to make our feelings slaves to other’s emotions, circumstances and outright fear.

How can we be in service to God, while we are in service to fear?

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow–not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. Ro. 8:38

If this is the truth, if nothing separates me,
shouldn’t my heart be almost laying right on top of God’s in every
encounter, situation, and moment?

Shouldn’t I almost feel our hearts beating together and moving as one?

Shouldn’t I not be standing on my feet, but trusting, or “bittachon”ing in Hebrew, which means leaning on?

Shouldn’t I be less concerned about standing up and
more concerned with falling into God’s fix-it, love-it, help-it, I-have-it hands? 

Then, perhaps, I actually won’t feel separated. Then, I won’t hold him and others at an arms length. Then, I won’t be ruled by the same driving force that compels the devil’s parade for power. Then, I will actually give God a chance to work. Then, God and I will be one. In my terrifying moments of uncertainty, he will actually become my certainty. He will be the only surety, the only hope, the only way.

Not through my way, but by me actually living God’s way.

Can you imagine the faith-strides that will happen through a true core belief that says,
in every single solitary situation, “God, this one-is-all you”?

What role do you need to forgo to see God’s hand go wild on your behalf?

Is it being a “mom”ager, a dictator, a fixer, an “advice”r, a “peace-maker,”
a ruler, a helper, a planner or an antagonizer?

Maybe you want to join me on this 30-day challenge?

Will you join me in picking one way that you want to pack away for 30 days?

For me, it looks like this: I am making one small decision to bow down to my husband. Starting today, I will not advise, fix, control, manage, plan, help, counsel, instruct, teach, come up with different ideas, endlessly question, give the one-eyebrow raise or offer the silent treatment to get what I want. For thirty days, I will answer everything he says by “leaning in” on God. I will not offer comebacks. I will learn to offer R-E-S-P-E-C-T for the places where I have relied on D-I-S-T-R-U-S-T.

I will say, “yes,” rather than give my off-the-cuff “no.”

I am going to lay it all down to honor him. For one month, I am going to see what it feels like to shut my mouth, open my ears and to soften my heart. I trust that God will open great plan in the places where I might feel defeated, unsure, and tumultuous. 

For 30-days, I am going to let my husband rule unhindered. What a risk! What craziness! What a nut! Yes, I am, I am so nutty that I think God will do some absurd, fanatical and wild things; I am willing to see what I have missed out on for so long. For 30 days, I can survive. For 30 days, I can see what happens. 

What is God calling you to go a little bit “wild” on?

Is it a challenge like mine?

Or maybe he is calling you in an entirely different way to submission? To service? To love?

Maybe his calling you to step out, so he can work-in-
as you trust him.

Every Monday for the next 3 weeks, I am going to reflect on this journey, my progress and letting go of control. I would love for you to join me as I “Say no to saying no to my husband,” and as you ____________ (tell me in the comments)?

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ…Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free. Eph. 5,7-8

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Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a "Cheerleader of Faith", Kelly's greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

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22 CommentsLeave a comment

  • God is calling me to just be me. That’s the one He wants to use. The one He has used and has some really good plans for. The one that I hide when I am striving so hard to control EVERYTHING!

  • Right. Between. The. Eyes. I have zero doubt that God took me here today for a reason. I could identify with virtually every single thing you shared. You’ve inspired me to do likewise…not just outwardly but inwardly. I know that’s where God is taking me. I may say “yes” or “sure dear” but often my heart betrays my words. Thirty days sister! Let the games begin!

  • God is calling me to keep my mouth shut when m y husband is driving. No suggestions. No directions. (We’ve just moved to a new city and have gotten lost more than once!) Blessings on you 30 day journey.

  • Joining you with this challenge… Everything you spoke sounded so much like me. As I am in the middle of standing for my marriage to be resurrected and restored this came at just the right time for me… Though I have been doing much better at controlling my controlling (lol)… I definitely needed a little more help in letting it ALL go… Thank you for being real… it helps so much to know that we’re not alone in our struggles… Your daily emails almost always meet me right where I am!!! God is so awesome to use you in this way!!! I am up for the challenge and praying for God’s strength as I let go.

    • Dawn, thank you for being honest too. I know it is scary. I really do. But, we are bravely stepping up to let more of God in- he will reward us for that. I am confident. Praying with you for a release of control.

  • What a wonderful series, Kelly! I must admit my control issues get the best of me when dealing with my poor husband sometimes. I need to commit to some of your wonderful plans here as well. I love the idea of a 30 day challenge! That could truly transform our marriages. Thanks for the inspiration!

  • What you said, Kelly – “Can you imagine the faith-strides that will happen through a true core belief that says, in every single solitary situation, “God, this one-is-all you”?” – really hit home with me, in one particular thing that is near and dear to my heart: my blog. I long to be an instrument of God, to be used to share His love and peace and hope with the world, especially to those with chronic pain. So I push it out there, market and “sell” it to people via social media, hoping someone will share it with others who really need hope and inspiration. Sometimes, though, I wonder…am I pushing too hard? Do I need to trust God more in drawing readers in? After all, my whole purpose is to draw people to Him, not me! I need to consider that He doesn’t need me to do that! He ALLOWS me to be a part of what HE is doing. And that applies to my marriage and parenting too. Yes, we need to realize what my pastor pointed out recently “There is only one God and I am not it!” Great post, Kelly, and a great challenge.

    • I praise God for this realization. It is all him. When we realize that, we can start relaxing, or at least, that is what I am finding. May we relax right down into his snuggly love.

  • Sis Kelly this post is on point and so on time. Tomorrow I will lead my women’s ministry in a discussion on Fulfilling My Husband from Priscilla Shirer’s The Resolution for Women. In the book Priscilla gives the very challenge you mention, albeit she says do it for one day. When I read the chapter some weeks ago the Lord said 30-days. And sure enough he’s put me in plenty of situations where I’ve had to exercise immense self control. I’m delighted to be able to share the “right on time” post with the ladies. Blessings friend as you position yourself to receive bountifully from the Lord as you seek to honor God by honoring your husband.

    • Praise God. Thank you for sharing this post with them Tyra. What a gift. I love how God works. He is calling us to greatness and is so not comfortable with our comfortable. I love you dearly.

  • I like Carmen’s pledge, that would work for me too. I’m going to pledge to allow my husband to rule unhindered. Thanks for setting the example Kelly. I’ll let you know how it goes.

  • I’d like to join on this one! My last blog was called Speaking the Truth in Love..mostly why it’s so hard to control our anger and knee jerk responses.. I think joining with other women on a challenge is a great idea!

  • Kelly, do you have a long-lost twin? As in, me? I’m copying and pasting this list in my notes ~ “advise, fix, control, manage, plan, help, counsel, instruct, teach, come up with different ideas, endlessly question, give the one-eyebrow raise or offer the silent treatment to get what I want” ~ because every. single. thing. on it describes me. Yikes! All I can say is, I’m in! {And I’m guessing my BH (Better Half) will love it 🙂

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