Category - awe

Handling Triggers

October 28, 2022

Have you ever felt like a horrible person? A horrible mom? A horrible friend? Two days ago, I was a horrible mom for a second — or, truthfully, for about 2-hours.

My son said to me, “I can’t tell you the things I tell daddy! I’m not telling you anything!!”

My insides boiled at this comment; my son had hit a nerve. All I want is for my son to know he can share anything with me. I want to be close to him. I want him to know I am safe. But now he’s saying I am not good enough and that I am not safe. Ahh!!! I felt panic come on me. My inside was triggered with, “Fix this! Fix this! Fix this, Kelly! You are not a good mom. You are messing things up. Fix this!” Overwhelmed by my emotions, and the fear I couldn’t make my son want me, I blamed him for my feelings.

I said to him, “You are dishonoring and disrespecting your mom. You are grounded entirely until you can respect me.”

Immediately, after I demanded it, I felt the heavy weight of shame. I can’t demand people love me or ground them until they do. I can’t yell at someone to be close to me — that doesn’t work. More upset at myself, I got more upset.

I yelled up the stairs, “And, stay up in your room too! And, write me a note of what you did wrong.”

Then, I hated myself for saying it.

Alone with my daughter now, I admitted to her, “I am just angry at myself for how I am handling things.”

She wisely said, “Why don’t you just apologize?” So, I did. I apologized to my son that I got triggered. I apologized that I reacted. I apologized that I took my fear out on him.

Later, upon reflection, I had to recognize that a thousand levels deeper than his hurtful comment, was me — a little girl who felt unwanted again. A little girl who was often left sitting on the sidewalk at school while the other kids played together. I don’t want to be unwanted again. I hate that feeling.

And, that’s why I got triggered. I got triggered because I am afraid of being an abysmal failure. Left, by the ones I love most.

But, if I had stopped and paused in the heat of the moment? If I had reflected I might have been able to see things differently. I might have been able to think about God’s Word to me. What would God say?

I think He might say to me:
Kelly, “There is no one righteous, not even one.” (Ro. 3:10)
And I might have realized: Everyone makes mistakes.

Kelly, “Even before (I) made the world, God loved (you) and chose (you) in Christ to be holy and without fault in (my) eyes.” (Eph. 1:4)
And I might have realized: I’m am chosen, holy and faultless in Christ Jesus. I can move back to a firm standing and positioning in Christ, and out of shame.

Kelly, “His divine power has given (you) everything (you) need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called (you) by his own glory and goodness.” (2 Pet. 1:3)
And I might have realized: I am being called right now by God’s goodness to bring God glory. By His power, there is a better way that I can walk even though I feel triggered.

If I had paused, and hid-out in a closet or something, I could have returned back to Father God’s loving arms and found a more sound, biblical way of thinking. I could have prayed about next steps. I could have calmed down. Unfortunately, I didn’t. But, next time, I will.

I will because situations don’t define me; the Word of My God does! To get to His Word is to find power. This is how in horrible, no good, rotten situations I will — rise up, strong! It is how I will show love even when I feel hurt. It is how triggers won’t rule me.

What about you — what triggers try to rule you? What boils your blood? What is God’s truth to you? How might His Word console what hurt rests under the surface of your pain.

We truly do have all we need to walk out a godly life, sometimes we just have to pause enough to receive it and to believe it! How do you make room to hear the Lord when the world feels like it is falling on you? How can you calm yourself enough to breathe in His love when the going gets tough?

Prayer: God, help! Help me when temptation comes. Help me when the going gets tough. You say, there is always a door of escape. Show me the door. Show me the way. Show me the paths of grace and life. I thank you that you are always there to help me. Lead me in all your ways. Lead me in the way of love. Heal my inner pain. Heal my sadness. Heal rejection. Heal anger and bitterness. I want to love you and others with all my heart. Grow me in your love. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Dust off Hurtful Words + Carry on!

October 18, 2022

purposefulfaith

awe, faith, grace, hope

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When I walk, I am not scared of bugs. I know I walk above them. When I walk though my front yard, I don’t consider what bugs may be underground; I just walk. I am not afraid, I go! I walk above problems. I walk over scary things. I move, anyway.

To be above what lurks, is a big deal. It means you walk fearlessly.
Do you realize that we sit above the mayhem of the world?

“And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus…” (Eph. 2:6)

“Even as [in His love] He chose us [actually picked us out for Himself as His own] in Christ before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy (consecrated and set apart for Him) and blameless in His sight, even above reproach, before Him in love.”

We are above what issues lurk below. We are above the world that demands constant attention. We are above powers and principalities of the unseen realm because we sit with Jesus.

Even more, we are “even above reproach”. Do you know what “reproach” means?

American Webster Dictionary defines “reproach” as : “To express disapproval of, criticism of, or disappointment in (someone).
Friend, you are above disapproval, criticism, or disappointment.

This is a big deal. It means that people can’t squash you with words. They can’t ruin you with bad actions. The old labels cannot stick any longer. You, my dear one, sit above that. You are over that, with Jesus.

All that cannot hold you back any longer!

Remember where you sit, my friend. Stay all your mind above all that — whether it happened yesterday or today! Give it no claim to yourself. Despise the shame, just like Jesus did (see Heb. 12:2)! You are “before Him in love”.

It means everything to be seated with Jesus! It’s a powerful position.

Prayer: I pray, today, I feel and experience the love of God. I pray that you open the eyes of my heart, Father God, to know the hope of my glorious inheritance and the riches in Christ Jesus. I pray that I gain understanding of where I sit and whom I am seated with. I pray that you give me power to live from that place. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Overcoming on Hard Days

September 2, 2022

purposefulfaith

awe, Contentment, faith

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I said to the pilot, “What is the best learning you have from flying high in the skies?”

His answer, “There is always, always, sun above the rain clouds. If it looks dark and dim when you take off, you just have to go higher. There, the sun is bright!”

The man had a point. What he said was not only a lesson in the natural, but in the spiritual. Above every dark cloud of uncertainty about the future, above every relational problems, above financial concerns, above health issues, remains the Son. The glorious, bright and ever awe-inspiring Son.

When we fly higher than problems, we see Him. The Sovereign One is always reigning when it is raining.

But, so often, my problem is — I don’t look up. Friends, while it is hard to admit, in recent days, I have made a habit of looking at the rain, more than the Rain Maker. Internally, I keep griping, “Ugh, isn’t this over yet? How long can I take going through this?”

I see what hasn’t happened.
I look at what isn’t right.
I see what people aren’t doing.
I am upset at what I am not doing.

Somewhere along the line, I got earthly-focused instead of heavenly-minded. The result? Faith dwindled. Frustration mounted. Anxiety increased. I worried. I sinned.

I sinned by taking my eyes off of God and putting them onto my problems, people and circumstances.

We are told not to do this:

“So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” (2 Cor. 4:8 NLT)

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” (Col. 3:2 NIV)

When we set our mind above, we remember King of Kings and the Lord of Lords reigns above it all! When we fix our eyes on Him, we see His glory and power despite our problems and issues. When we think about heavenly things; love comes in right order.

How have you been focusing on what is earthly, instead of Him, who is heavenly? How might you need to let go of your grasp of worry, for the better gain of knowing and loving Him?

Prayer: Father, I thank you for every single person here. I thank you that you know what each and every person is going through. Jesus, you understand the hardships. You empathize. You know. I also ask that you would give us a grace to keep our heart and minds set on you. I ask that you would equip us to rise above problems and people and to glorify your name. Forgive us of self-focus and self-pity. Give us mouths of praise and eyes love. Give us faith and hope. Give us the ability to keep our eyes on you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

April 19, 2022

purposefulfaith

awe, faith, hope

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Have you heard the song, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus?” This morning, the song’s lyrics resonated in my spirit: “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face…and the things of Earth will grow strangely dim…in light of His glory and grace.”

When I turn my eyes upon Jesus…all else fades. The worries. The problems. The fears. The stress. The burdens.

There remains Jesus, the One who saves. There remains Jesus, the One who paid it all. There remains Jesus, the One who empathizes with my pain and struggle. There remains Jesus, The Way, The Truth and The Life.

But, so often, other things distract me from Him. The schedule of the day clouds my vision. The pressure of people’s needs fills my eyes. Things another woman is doing, pull me, almost subconsciously, in another direction.

What do we do – when we want Him, but get distracted by everything else?

This morning, as I closed my eyes, somewhat pondering this thought with God, what came to mind was: Horses wear blinders for a reason.

What was the reason? I got out my phone to look deeper.

Apparently, horses have 350-degree vision. This means that they can see everywhere but directly behind them. This also means that they can get extremely distracted. A neighboring horse can pull them off track. A plowing machine hooked on them, can appear to them as a predator and cause them to react. A wild and cheering stadium can make a race horse go berserk.

They must have a narrow and limited view on what matters so they don’t get thrown off by what doesn’t matter.

So must we!

How might God be calling us to limit our view today? What vision is actually distracting us more than helping us?

Is seeing social media images leaving us discouraged and sad or is it uplifting us and filling us with things of God?

Is that gossipy neighbor someone God wants us continually looking at and listening to?

Is focusing on portending doom actually helping our mind, or is worry zapping us of faith?

Is our well-laid-out fix it scheme the way, or is prayer?

Is seeing offense our way, or is becoming blind to offense and full of love, a more prosperous road?

Often, as we blind negative things we gain greater vision pertaining to things of God.

Paul, in the Bible, became blind for three days before he gained sight that opened a radical ministry of the Lord. Are you, like Paul, willing to put blinders on in order to see more of God?

Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. The things of Earth will grow strangely dim, in light of His glory and grace.

Prayer: Father God, You are what I want. You are what I need. You are what I want to fix my mind on. You say, you keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on the Lord. Let that be said of me. Let that be known of me. More of You and less of what I think I need. Be my vision. Be my hearing. Be my hope. Be my all in all. I want you more than anything else. Give me all the grace I need today to keep my eyes, ears and focus on you and show me what I might need to let go of. Show me what I might need to become blind to in order to see more of you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Perspective on Tough Problems

March 24, 2022

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awe, faith, hope

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The mountains were beautiful, idyllic really. Driving, high up, makes you realize huge things can actually — be little. The big mountains in our lives aren’t really as big as we make them. Perspective is everything. To God? From this vantage point, we understand how He can move every mountain. Driving on mountains makes you ponder things like that. . .

Unless, something happens, and jerks you out of your deep thoughts, which is what happened to me…

My husband jerked the car, hard, right. The decline to the right of us was steep. There was no guardrail, no safety net, just a fall. For a second, he lost control.

But, another One hadn’t.

A second later, my husband declared, “Family? The angels must have just protected us. We should have gone over the side of this road down a mountain, but we didn’t.”

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. (Ps. 91:11-12)

As a family we took a collective sigh of relief, then my 10-year old son blurted out, “You know, when you realize that God really will protect you, you realize that you really have nothing at all to fear.”

My son was absolutely, unequivocally right: What do we have to be afraid of when we know God will protect us? Help us? Save us?

Miles above us is one greater than us. One who sees before we do. One who knows before we know. One who acts before we even conceptualize there is a problem.

When life feels out of control… When you know you should see a ruined relationship… When you believe you should have made a different choice… When you fear you have messed up parenting… Remember. Remember, God has all control to save us from any and all cliffs — despite us.

Isn’t God amazing? Isn’t His protection astounding?

What are you afraid of today? What if you recognized that you have a saving God that is mightier, taller and bigger than any force coming against you? What if you were to look as the mountain as small and your saving-God as HUGE?

Prayer: Father, than you that you are Father. Thank you that you are Protector. Thank you that you keep us in so many ways, we probably can’t even count them all. We are grateful for your protection and we ask for more of it. We love you. We honor you. Help us to trust you more. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

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For One You Love…

March 9, 2022

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awe, faith, hope

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For one you love, you do anything to spend time with them…
For one you love, you travel miles to get to…
For one you love, you think of them through the day…
For one you love, you share hidden secrets…
For one you love, you listen closely…

“Jesus replied: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ (Mt 22:37)

For one you love, you trust them with all your heart…
For one you love, you lean on in hard times…
For one you love, you do silly things for and please them…
For one you love, you put their life ahead of yours…
For one you love, you probably would die for…

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” (Mt. 22:36)

For one you love, you know their voice…
For one you love, you seek to understand them…
For one you love, you desire to know them more…
For one you love, you listen when they ask you to do something…
For one you love, you do things to bless them…

“Jesus replied: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ (Mt 22:37)

All. All our heart. All our soul. All our mind.

There Jesus is. The love of our life. Do we love Him with our all – or is our love small?

In a world that constantly interrupts us, where our is dinging, where our schedule is raging, where people are interrupting, where fast-service is beckoning, where the internet is always going — it can be hard to be all-in, fully invested in love. I know.

There is wisdom in remembering: To turn off the world is to prepare yourself to intimately connect with God.

This can be in your mind, as you commute to work.
This can be at home, as you turn off your phone.
This can be on a walk, as you talk to Jesus.
This can be doing laundry, as you smile and let Father God know that you love Him.

Where are little places of love that you can carve out in your life? What would intentional love look like?

Prayer: Father, we want to love you more. We want to honor you more. We want to love you with all our heart, all our soul, all our mind and all our strength. Please help us in this. We need your grace to love you more. Will you remind us? You are everything to us! You are deserving of all our love! Don’t let our love run cold or our hearts grow hard. Give us a supple and soft heart. Cleanse our heart and show us any wrong way within us. In Jesus’ All-Mighty Name, Amen.

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God Above All Else

February 22, 2022

purposefulfaith

awe, faith

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Have you ever determined that you want something? I have. I have determined that I want a specific recipe for dinner. So, I do everything in my power to make it to the grocery store for the three items I don’t have at home. I have determined that I need a new outfit for an event, so I make it to the clothing store, no matter what. If I don’t find what I need there, I head somewhere else. I have determined that my kids need to be active, so I waste no time and immediately get on the internet to find them sports classes to be in.

When we set our mind that we want something, we go after it.

“Jesus replied: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” (Mt. 22:37)

What does it look like to love Him with all of us?

I believe it looks like — determining. Determining to get up early. Determining that you want more of Him. Determining that all of Him needs to fill all of you. Determining to know the fullness of Him that extends beyond the fullness of the life you think you already have…

“And this is eternal life: [it means] to know (to perceive, recognize, become acquainted with, and understand) You, the only true and real God, and [likewise] to know Him, Jesus [as the] Christ (the Anointed One, the Messiah), Whom You have sent.”

This is eternal life! Why not start now? To know God is to know all we need to know. It is to be filled with all the goodness of life? It is to gain perspective that heals all our perspectives.

To hunger and thirst for earthly things leads to carnality, sin and lusts that can’t be filled, but to hunger and thirst for God and His righteousness, leads to a well that keeps on giving.

What are we thirsting for? More stuff? More good food? More material things? More from a spouse? More answers? Or, more of God?

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” (Ja. 4:8)

What happens when we want God above all else?

He is so close. We know Him. We love Him. We let go of lesser things. We desire to read the Bible more. We hunger to understand His love more. We are full of love, joy and peace…

How do we do this? We make simple steps to spend time with Him before our mind pulls us elsewhere. We press in. We ask.

Father, I want to love you more! I want to love you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. Teach me what this looks like. Grow me in love and in knowing you. Grow me in perceiving and understanding you. Show me how to draw near. Give me the courage to say no to lesser things. I love you. Please draw near to my heart that hungers and thirsts for you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Beating Fear

February 8, 2022

purposefulfaith

attack, awe, doubt, faith

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One of the worst things to deal with is fear.

Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and what hits me is: What if you’re not eating the right things? What if you aren’t teaching your kids well enough that they follow the Lord? What if you are missing God’s plan for your life? What if you don’t make it through? What if…(this). What if (that).

Do you deal with fear? Are you afraid of getting sick? Of getting hurt? Of being left high and dry?

We must know how to conquer fear. For, if we don’t conquer fear, it will conquer us. It will beat us into submission. Rather than fulfilling God’s big callings to love, we will hide-out. Rather than reaching big mission fields, we will excuse ourselves to the safety of our own homes. Rather than having real conversations, we will act on impulse and shut down what God is doing.

We don’t want this.

Now, more than ever, we need to know how to stand strong and firm for Christ. We need to be brave to speak. Braver, to take a stand. And, most brave, to die to our flesh in order to become alive to Christ.

This doesn’t come naturally to us. But, it is a choice. Otherwise, we would not have been told so many times in scripture to, “Fear not.” We have power to — fear not. We have the ability to say, “No” to what wants to rule us.

When we lay up the size of our problem against the height of our God, suddenly everything comes into perspective. What looks like a giant, becomes beatable, when we look at our Savior.

“For the LORD Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?” (Is. 14:27)

No one can thwart our God.

Do you know this on your insides? If you deal with fear, worry, anxiety or if you want to know God’s heights even more, I invite you to attend our second breakthrough workshop on fear.

Sign up today.

Days & Multiple-ways to Attend (via live/recorded ZOOM):
1. Live Breakthrough Workshop 2 (Maintaining Fearlessness) – Tue. Feb 8, 6:30-8:30 PM ET
2. Via recording (also get the shame event recording too!)

Register now!

The workshop cost is $19. I lowered the price (while covering costs), to help as many people attend as possible!

Defeating the Enemy

February 4, 2022

purposefulfaith

attack, awe, faith

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Last night, I turned to my husband and said, “I feel like I hate myself.”

Wow. These were bold and uncharacteristic words. Why was I thinking like this? Why did I feel so down this day? Why was the world was coming down on me?

Not that much had changed from yesterday. In this moment, everything was heavy, my outlook was bleak and I didn’t have answers for my problems. I was angry — at me.

Ever been there?

You know there is a real enemy who is really coming against our soul, mind and heart in Christ Jesus. He doesn’t just play-lightly, he isn’t out there blowing bubbles or playing jacks.

He is vicious. He is ravenous.

“For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down.” (Rev. 12:10)

Scripture tells us, the accuser is accusing us nearly all the time — day and night. Can you imagine? That’s a lot of attack that comes our way. That’s a lot to stand up against, sometimes.

I should know. I sometimes wake up in the night with hurls of accusation coming at me.

How do we stand against this? How do we stand strong when one day we feel great and the next we are attacked?

We don’t have to wage the war alone. Christ is with us and in us (Col. 1:27). Jesus is the Overcomer. The issue is: we have to turn to Him, rather than shirking away in defeat or disillusion. We cannot allow him who is defeated to triumph over HIM who has already overcome.

Sadly, I didn’t turn to Jesus. There are real consequences to that (such as: a bad night sleep, arguments, being on edge, snap judgements, etc.)

Many times I do, though, and these are a couple of my strategies to overcome…

One: I say, “get away from me accuser. Whom the Son set free is free indeed. I am not listening to attacks.”
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (Ja. 4:7)

Two: I repent of believing lies and only speak what is true and positive.
“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (Jo 8:32)

Three: I worship and praise God’s name.
“The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise him.” (Ps. 28:7)

When we take a stand against darkness, darkness has no chance against the light of Christ.

If you feel the enemy, or your flesh, pulling you away from God — I believe this 2-part breakthrough workshop (that starts tomorrow, Saturday) will be a help to you. I want to pray, connect, talk about God’s truth and give you strategies to stand firm.

Sign up today.

2 Days & Multiple-ways to Attend (via live/recorded ZOOM):
1. Live Breakthrough Workshop 1 (Practices to Defeat Shame) – (Tomorrow) Sat. Feb 5, 10:00 AM -11:45 PM ET
2. Live Breakthrough Workshop 2 (Maintaining Fearlessness) – Tue. Feb 8, 6:30-8:30 PM ET
3. Recorded version – Both events will be sent post-event.
Register now!

The morning retreat cost is $19. I lowered the price (while covering costs), to help as many people attend as possible!

The Huge Mess I Found Myself In

December 8, 2021

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awe, Contentment, faith, hope

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I never knew sparkles could do so much damage…

Well, I take that back. . . I did know that sparkles could do damage, which was part of my stress to begin with. I didn’t want sparkles all over my house and in every floor crevice and stuck deep in the dark recesses of my rug. I didn’t want sparkles tracked everywhere by my shoe and stuck to my hair and dangling off my eyebrow, but lo and behold, this is exactly what happened.

The second I got home from being out, my kids implored, “C’mon mom! C’mon mom, craft-time.”

I wanted to say, “I need a few minutes. I need to pray; sparkles stress me out,” but my son was already dumping the pint-sized jug of sparkles on the table. And, there I was — wanting to be the best mom I could be.

Ignoring my insides, I dove in head-first, “Okay, kids, here mom comes.”

At the table, my insides were throwing a tantrum: It’s going to be a mess. The table will be ruined. The craft time won’t be fun. And, worst of all, what if these crafts end up looking horrible and none of them sell at my kids craft show?

The idea of a big-, horrible-, icky-mess was plaguing me. And, frankly, I didn’t know how to control it, fix it, or manage it — while sparkles began to get dropped outside the foil, then on my white dining chairs, then into the glue pile that was supposed to have no sparkles in it if we wanted the other ornaments to look good.

Everything. felt. completely. out. of. control.
My insides were anxious.
I started barking orders.
My kids were having no fun.
My son went to his room and said, “Maybe I should just do the crafts with dad.”
And, my whole idea of fun — went kaput.

Inhale. Exhale.

Friend, like me, are you ever afraid of messes? Does the idea of mess ever create stress? Does the stress tend to make a bigger mess?

Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

Christ already won my freedom. Yet, the second I start worrying about things being perfect is the second I yoke to stress. It is the fear of messiness actually welcomes anxiousness. Any obligation where we rely on man rather than God becomes a burden, not a blessing.

I can’t enjoy sparkles with my kids when I fear mess. I can’t be armed up in prayer, when I feel obligated to be ready at man’s notice. I can’t enjoy the moment, when I’m fearing the outcome.

How do you need to let go today? Are you seeking to control something or someone? Or, are you afraid of feelings you can’t manage?

You know, Jesus entered the mess of this world to save the likes of you and me. He wasn’t so afraid of the mess, that He couldn’t enter in to it. While we were yet a sinner, Christ died for us. He sees everything we face. He is not as afraid of it, as we are.

He has an answer. He has a door of escape. He is a ready-help in time of trouble. What if we were to turn towards Him and ask for all the grace we need in our times of trouble?

Maybe, then, we’d throw sparkles up in the air and dance under them!

Prayer: Father, I am letting go of ___. I can’t do it alone. I need you. Help me. Give me grace, abundant grace. Show me the way. In Jesus’ name. Amen.