Her text floored me. She said, “Kelly, I want to go with you to one of your speaking events. And, there, I want to wash your feet.”
Ummm . . . what?
Does this girl even know who I am? Does she even know how I battle pride? How I try to be less at these events, not more? Has she even considered how this act might make me feel? My heart is, continually, to be less about “Kelly’s performance or opportunities”.
It certainly IS NOT about being exalted more. Nor is it about seeing her beautiful face down on the ground washing my feet.
“No way” wanted to be my response to her.
I don’t deserve it.
I am the last person whose feet she should be washing.
I am flawed.
I mess up.
I hurt people.
Wash someone else’s feet who deserves it more than me.
And then, the Holy Spirit nudges my insides, “Kelly, you are missing the point. You are missing the heart. . .
Your worth has never been about “your” worth.
Your value is not about you “proving your value”.
Your getting your feet washed has nothing to do with you.
You can receive because Christ lives in you. Whereas in the old days, you’d 100% know you were unworthy and laugh in her face, today you can 100% know you are unworthy alone, but because of Christ and all His worthiness – he makes you worthy.
Because He gave it all, you can receive it all, even when you feel like the last person on this green earth who deserves it.
This is called unconditional. Unmerited. Undeserving. LOVE.
It’s not about you. It’s just not. It’s about Jesus. It’s about what Jesus may do when she gets low. It’s about how he might want to whisper to your heart, ‘You did nothing to warrant my love, Kelly, but I gave my life for you anyway.’. It’s about you understanding that you never have to prove anything to God to get His good stuff. It’s about love so divine doing everything for you, even though you are stinkin’ dirty.”
Grrr…I supposed I’ll say yes to her. It’s hard to though. I would much rather be washing her feet. I’d much rather be building her up. I’d much rather be low.
Sometimes it’s easier to be humble than it is to appear proud. Sometimes it is in the receiving our heart is really learning.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. (1 Pet. 5:6)
Sometimes receiving is humility. And, if I’ve learned one thing, it is this: love uncaptured, can’t be released. Somehow, I think God, wants to capture me more with His love.
How might God want you to capture love? To let go of feeling unworthy to experience His worthiness?
I am going to say yes to my friend.
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I’m finding that my “visible” moments are part of my training in righteousness. It’s hard to draw the connecting line from success back to God and so easy to take credit ourselves for all the good. He’s always teaching. Always loving us closer to himself.
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What a beautiful testament of Christ living in you!
Wow. I can totally understand your feelings. But what a beautiful thing your friend wants to do for you. laurensparks.net
“Sometimes it is in the receiving our heart is really learning.” Yes, it is easier to give, than to receive. But we learn much in the receiving.
Pride shows up in very deceitful ways at least in my life. Consequently, it’s not always easy to be on the receiving end of God’s grace. Thanks for this post. It really spoke to me!
Just beautiful, Kelly! We are all unworthy of God’s grace, and yet we have it, and we have it in abundance. I believe you are right to search for humility. Sometimes humility is allowing your friend to wash your feet.
I am so proud of you to allow her to come along and wash your feet. Once when leading a small group my co-leader and I washed all of the ladies feet. It is was such a precious memory. It felt so good to be able to wash tenderly wash their feet. However, when my co-leaders wanted to wash my feet, I resisted a bit. It too was a rewarding experience. I have no problem serving but receiving is another thing God is working on. Thank you for sharing.