Category - doubt

When You’re 100% Certain: You’re Lost

October 4, 2017

As my husband put it, “Kelly, you need a day of relaxation.”

I tended to agree. Recently, stress sat on my shoulders. Grievances were monumental annoyances. My mind was having an affair with worry. To-dos were growing longer. Much was adding up to – too much.

With this, I knew: God was calling me elsewhere – to something greater. So, I went.

I drove to a local park to take the day off and to walk. I was confident I’d found relief right after the 30-minute drive of grueling, never-ending traffic. Except it wasn’t.

As I pulled up to the address shown on Google, the gates were slammed shut. Closed for business. No entry. Bye-bye day of relaxation.

No-go, Kelly.
No-go to where God called you.

More irritation climbed my back.

Have you ever gone where you believed God wanted you to go, only to find it a no-go? Only to have the gate shut? Only to feel lost?

Frustrated, but determined not to give up, I circled the mile-long block a couple times, wondering if there was another entrance. There wasn’t. I returned to the gate with the word “STOP” on it, trying to inch forward and back to see if it would open. It wouldn’t. I called a number to find out if it really was closed. It was.

“God, why did you take me here? To drop me? To leave me?”

“Kelly, I never dropped you or left you.”

I looked down on my lap, and I could see that along the drive to this location, God had been speaking all kinds of blessings to me. Words of encouragement, thoughts of learning, discoveries about my day. He had been with me all the time.

He invited me to a drive of delighting in him. Not to a destination I demanded of him.

He never left me.
He never dropped me.
He never lost me.

Often, we declare we’re lost when God knows we’re in the process of being found. We see our way as long and burdensome, but I believe God thinks, “I’m doing something amazing along this way. I am transforming this woman, my way.”

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Cor. 4:17)

Perhaps today, you don’t lament where you are, but you grab on to it and see what God has for you.

Friends, as a heads up, Jami Amerine’s book, Stolen Jesus is now available. Don’t miss it.

Discover how to flee from fear and fly in faith through 4 Days to Fearless Challenge.

Get all Purposeful Faith blog posts by email – click here.

The War We Wage with Ourselves

October 3, 2017

purposefulfaith

awe, Contentment, doubt, faith, fear

17 Comments

One time, I did this totally un-Christian thing. I hid something behind the picture frames on my walls. Because it was unseen, potential new home dwellers never knew what lurked there as they walked through my house. Heck! I halfway forgot what was back there too. But on move-out day, when I took the frames down, I saw them: deep wall gouges. Ones never fixed. Ones left behind.

Welcome home! You need to re-plaster your walls!

We walk around just like this. A beautiful picture covers our deeply wounded selves.

We carry these wounds:
We don’t meet the standard of the woman we should be.
We are always falling short of other’s expectations for us.
We don’t match the persona of the woman who can do it all.
We are unworthy of receiving unconditional love.

Underneath the glass cover, no matter how beautiful or sophisticatedly adorned we are, our smile is not as real as we pretend it is. We hurt. We angst.

Our internal pictures tell a different story.

What picture is behind your picture? Is shaped like a wound? What lies deep in your soul? Loneliness? Isolation? Discouragement? Doubt?

May I tell you today, Jesus is strong enough to heal. He still is.

He still works. He still frees. He still sets free. The ancient of days is not so ancient of days that your internal wounds are outside his repair, today.

He loves you. He has chosen you to be in his care, and that means he wants to care for you. What would it look like to let him take what you’ve hidden so long?

To let it belong to God? I believe this blog post is a knock on the door of your soul: let God in.

What if you were to believe: God really heals and right now, he is actively healing you? What would it look like to let his freedom in?

“He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.” (Psalm 107:20)

Friends, as a heads up, Jami Amerine’s book, Stolen Jesus is now available. Don’t miss it.

Discover how to flee from fear and fly in faith through 4 Days to Fearless Challenge.

Get all Purposeful Faith blog posts by email – click here.

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Just Step Out

September 29, 2017

purposefulfaith

attack, awe, Contentment, doubt, faith

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Often, it can be hard to love others authentically. Ever noticed that?

It can be hard to drop TV and take a meal to a sick friend’s house. It can be hard to make a phone call when you had a horrid day. It can be hard to write another blog post when you’re struggling to get by yourself.

But then you think about love. You think about who He is. Jesus.

You think of how he went out there, carrying what was back-breaking, burdensome and unbelievable. . . and he kept going. With us on his mind. With our sin on his back. With our pain that became his pain.

Jesus doesn’t give up on love. I am compelled not to either.

With this, I’ve been observing it…Love-in-action. Others have loved me a lot lately: They’ve taken me into their home when I almost had no home. They’ve made me food when I didn’t have much to offer. They’ve texted me even though I haven’t talked to them in years. They’ve just done stuff in the face of this post-Irma trial.

And in their actions I can see love is what it is all about. It’s about me, and not giving up. It is about me, and enduring. It’s about me, and believing God can, and will.

It is also about you. It’s about you and acting anyway. It is about you, and reaching out. It is about you, and responding kindly. It is about you, and giving to the person with nothing left to give. It is about continuing to speak authentically when the trials of life leave you breathlessly out of words.

I was thinking of all this today. And then a friend wrote me and said her life was changed because of my breathless writing. It wasn’t in a big way or even a big deal. But that’s how the responses to love usually appear – small, little, inconsequential. But somehow, I figure they’re not. The small thank yous? They all add up to something monumental and massive over all the years in the sight of God.

The bottom line to today’s post is this: We don’t know how much all our small breathless acts of love change — everything.

Kelly’s new book, Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears has been called “A must read,” “Breathtakingly honest” and a “Great Toolbox to Overcome Fear.” Read it today.

Discover how to flee from fear and fly in faith through 4 Days to Fearless Challenge.

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When You Feel You’re Losing

September 25, 2017

purposefulfaith

Contentment, doubt, faith, fear

1 Comment

Jesus is your victory. Your victory and your destiny. You are secure.

Because it is: Won and done. (Let these words take root in your mind when you forget)

Jesus won, is winning and will win. Period. Always. Forever. And on and on…for always.
If everything is against you, Jesus wins. Won and done.
If you see death to cancer. Won and done. One day, you’ll be healed on earth or in heaven as your every tear is wiped away.
If your husband left you. Won and done. Jesus will be right next to you, never leaving your side, while leading you to his best thing.
If you get every door slammed in your face. Won and done. God will be your defender and restorer. Nothing gets by him.
If you can’t see out of depression. Won and done. In God’s presence there is fullness of joy.
If you are hated. Won and done. Jesus loves you and will fill the deep desires of your heart.
If pain overwhelms you. Won and done. Greater is God’s love than the substance of anything in this world.

Always, Jesus wins. Won and done. Always. Always. Always. Honor God by returning to this truth, in every case, at all times, in every way. Don’t delay.

He won for you and his victory is done.

“For those who honor me, I will honor.” 1 Sam 2:30

This practice is critical, vital and eternal.

Discover how to flee from fear and fly in faith through 4 Days to Fearless Challenge.

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What Greater Safety Truly Looks Like

September 20, 2017

purposefulfaith

awe, birth, Contentment, doubt, faith

2 Comments

There is a homeless lady my kids love. She sits on the side of the road in a makeshift tent made out of trash bags, tarps and cardboard. Everyday, when we pass her on the way home from school, my kids scream out the window, “Hi, have a great day,” as we pass by.

They know her name because one day, my daughter thought we should bring her food. She thought carrots would be nice. My son thought flowers would be a good idea too. So, we bought carrots and flowers and delivered them to her. It was then we learned she had a name.

Linda. I can’t stop thinking of Linda right now. She had to leave the streets…probably by force. I hope she didn’t protest. Somehow, I imagine her not wanting to desert her carts of personal belongings. I imagine her crying because that block is where she’s always lived. But if Linda didn’t leave, she might be dead. Hurricane Irma planned to hit her, hard.

Linda likely perceived her stuff more valuable than her safety. And she probably didn’t think about how there was a better place for her.

We’re like Linda, too. We don’t want to leave “our heart stuff” behind for God’s soul-calming safety.

We don’t want to cling to the safety of what we know, forgetting the calm that God brings. We don’t want to stay in a marginal place, missing the greater place of growth God is calling us to. This is even riskier than staying where we are. To stay on our corner, clinging to the past, our faults, insecurities or worries, hurts not only ourselves but others.

We must leave our baggage behind to pick up God’s easier yoke. There is a transaction involved in this. There is a sacrifice.

I’ve certainly learned this. I could easily go through life paying no attention to what God is prompting. Or the greater love he is calling me to, the mission he’s set ahead, or the unneeded garbage he is calling me to leave behind. But I would lose so much. Everything, almost.

Left to the whimsies of Kelly Balarie, I’d be a woman in a storm who felt like she had no home. I’d be tossed to and fro, feeling powerless.

The letting go and going where God goes is safety and power. It is a powerful Christian life that permits God to decrease self, while increasing the Spirit. This woman realizes more and more she’s in love with her daddy. She sees his best beyond her worst. She uncovers his faithfulness.

What is better than that? What is a more worthy pursuit? A more honorable goal?

Every time God teaches us something and inches us in a new direction, it’s not because we are doing bad, but because we are doing good and because he loves us that much. He wants our full heart within the safe place of his arms, where no harm can touch us, because — when we let go of everything, we find him fully.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” Mt. 5:5

Where is God calling you to step more fully out of your comfort zone and into his love? What if you were to believe he truly did have your best intentions in mind?

“See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Ps. 139:24

Discover how to flee from fear and fly in faith through 4 Days to Fearless Challenge.

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The Price of Giving It All

September 11, 2017

purposefulfaith

attack, birth, Contentment, doubt

3 Comments

Two shadows appeared. One was a small, old, hunched over man with a cane and the other a young and vibrant woman with a flowery dress.

Sitting, they leaned in toward each other and talked. A father and daughter?

All I could think as I noticed this man’s feeble body, his leaning body on that old war memorial was, “He must be telling her about a life that counted.”

He’s saying, “Sure, I paid a mental price, seeing all that war stuff, seeing people fall. The battles, the pain, the sacrifice. But when push comes to shove, I gave my all. My life. I offered up what mattered.”

Only a few minutes later, I saw the “Vietnam War Veteran” pin on his cap. I wanted to remember this man, because without saying a word, he delivered to my heart a message from God: Kelly, if you give it all up for me, you won’t look back and regret your life. You’ll sit on a memorial of what I did and rejoice over it.

I asked the man if I could take his photo. And I did. But after, he couldn’t get up. His hands wouldn’t support his weight. When I reached out my hand, he looked hesitant at the thought of grabbing it, but he did.

“Pull hard,” he said. I gave it my all. And all I could think as I pulled up the strength of this man, who was so weak, was how Christ gave it all. And how, at the right time, his broken body beat the ravages of earth to reign in heaven.

Jesus gave his everything to bring us all life and hope. Jesus paid it all so we could sit under the shadow of that memorial cross. Jesus gave it all so that we could end our lives, knowing all will end up being okay as we leave this earth. Jesus paid it all so we could accept a helping hand on the days we feel weak. Jesus paid it all so we wouldn’t have to kill ourselves by pretending we are strong, when we actually are weak.

Jesus fought for and bought our freedom. He won.

And he is winning today. He is winning whatever war you face. He’s behind you. He’s in front of you. He’s your future. He is your life. He is your answer. He is the beginning of your new thing. He is your help.

Live for him in a way so when you get to that memorial of your life and you look back, you’ll say, “With Jesus, I gave my all. In him, I fully believed.”

Discover how to flee from fear and fly in faith through 4 Days to Fearless Challenge.

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What Voice Speaks In You?

September 4, 2017

purposefulfaith

attack, awe, Contentment, doubt, faith

1 Comment

Right before a recent move, someone told me, “I hate __ city. I hate everything about it. It is busy. It has mean people. It is a bad environment for living.” I had to pray for God to remove that from my mind so I wouldn’t allow their declaration to become my reality.

Another person essentially told me, “Kelly, you’re not a good enough writer.” I also had to erase that from my memory, so I could do what God wanted me to do without letting their words take life and speak over me day in and day out. But even now, I remember them.

Someone else told me, “All boys with the name __, act a certain way. You never want to name your kid that or they’ll be …” Again, I had to recognize this was something I could be prone to believe. I had to seek God’s truth and his ways, rather than to let those words take root in me.

What have people spoken over you lately? What have you permitted to become a part of you? What words might not be from God?

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

What ruler, authority or dark agency has spoken within you? Does it sound like love? Or does it sound like…

An Authority Saying, You’re Ruined: There is no time. There are no people behind you. You will fail. You don’t have enough __. You are always without ___. God is far.

An Agency Stating, Take Care of Yourself, Only: There is not enough to go around. Protect yourself first. Give later. The world has limited resources. Take first, give later.

A Hard-Driving Ruler demanding, Perform! Perform! Perform! Work, strive and push yourself harder: Imperfection is not allowable. It’s an all or nothing lifestyle. It’s black or white thinking. It’s thrive or die. People are liabilities and injuries just waiting to happen. If they don’t help you, hurt them. That’s what you say.

An Authority proclaiming, You’re Incapable: You’ve always done bad in life. Why change now? You know you are unlikable, but there is no use trying to be different. Your past has marked you. The world, the hurters, owe you. You’re a victim. You don’t really have what it takes, anyway.

God is not a Father who enslaves you to a chamber of fear.

He is a daddy who loves you. He gives us…
A Daughter mentality: He loves me, oh, he loves me. Every day, he loves me.

His voice sounds like this:

I choose her. I want her to feel my love. I want her to dwell in it and to feel the fullness of my presence around her. I want her to know I am both behind her, in her and working out through her. I rejoice over her with singing, I write her name on my hand, I prepare a room for her, I have good works ready for her to walk in, and I want to give her all my riches. I want to pour out my glorious inheritance (shout out to Jesus Christ) all over her. I want her to walk knowing she has the biggest, baddest and strongest security behind her at all moments. I want her to see she can do anything through me. I want her to know her faith can part seas and make her walk to lands unimaginable. I want her to hear my words of truth before she relies on her perceptions, because then she’ll know my love.

I want her to know I’m always cheering for her, leading her, loving her and ready to help her.

Discover how to flee from fear and fly in faith through 4 Days to Fearless Challenge.

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When Numbers Don’t Count Only People Do

August 29, 2017

purposefulfaith

attack, blessings, busy, Contentment, doubt, faith, fear

29 Comments

Post by: Christy Mobley

When my mom was sick a couple of years ago a palliative care doctor was assigned to her case.

Palliative care is the multidisciplinary approach to specialized medical care for people with life-limiting illnesses, focussing on providing relief from pain and physical and mental stress of the terminally ill patient and their family.

But Dr. Robinson was more than that.

Though she was first trained in neurology it was obvious her heartbeat was in palliative care. I could tell early on she was gifted from God for this vocation because she gained my sister’s trust which is nearly impossible to do.

Dr Robinson naturally doled out comfort, concern and love in the most difficult of situations. She was warm and caring like the favorite blanket you want to wrap up in on a cold, raw day. And raw was a good description for the way my sister and I felt in the days leading up to Mom’s death.

Dr. R. took time to know each of us. We exchanged business cards. She even said she would read my blog and to my surprise she actually did.

After my mom’s death I wrote a post on advanced directives, I re-titled: Love to Perfection, Leave Direction. You see, a lot of our emotional trauma in those last days came from the fact we didn’t know what my mom wanted and she could’t tell us. She had always talked about a living will but neither my sister nor I could remember her writing it up or where it would have been placed if she had. After reading my post Dr. Robinson asked if she could share my blog with her colleagues to help them understand what families go through. I, of course, said yes. Goodness, what blogger wouldn’t want a few more clicks on their site?

A couple of weeks ago my phone rang. I let it go to voicemail when I didn’t recognized the number. When I listened to the message I heard the kind, soft-spoken voice of Dr Robinson. I was touched. I returned her call and we chatted. She asked how I was and about each of my siblings. Then she told me something that floored me.

As the need for palliative care has taken root, over the last year and a half Dr R. has traveled literally around the world (even Russia) delivering lectures and instructing doctors on the intricacies of her vocation. But that’s not what gave me goosebumps, after all that’s her heart. But what she said next, did.

She told me she had been taking the words from my post and using them in her seminars around the globe.

In a world where quotas matter, to-do lists keep us running and one more click to your website is paramount, her words spoke like a prophetic message straight from God.

Numbers don’t count, only people do.

So why do you do what you do? To be liked? To stay competitive? To get it done? Get ahead? Or for the sheer joy of being in your gifting and bringing glory to God however He sees fit?

And what do I want? More numbers to my website or more hearts equipped and trained to love those in need?

I have no doubt God orchestrated my meeting of Dr Robinson in December of 2015. That’s the kind of God we serve. While I was thinking about possibly raising numbers God was thinking about possibly touching hearts.

Perhaps we get too caught up in what people expect from us rather than what God wants to do through us.

Work out our purpose.

Because it is in living out our purpose we find true joy. And I’ll have to say, on this day, I found it.

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About Christy Mobley

Christy is an award winning writer, national speaker, wife, mother, mother-in-law, and first time grandma! She is passionate about helping women see God working for their good in the midst of their circumstances.

When Christy isn’t with family, speaking or writing, you can find her on the tennis court chasing a fuzzy yellow ball. You can connect with Christy on her blog, Joying in the Journey, Facebook, and Twitter

The Damaging Effects of Speaking Under Your Breath

August 28, 2017

purposefulfaith

attack, Contentment, doubt, failure, faith, fear

4 Comments

Yesterday, I went to the local cafe to write. I sit in the back where all the employees congregate, gossip and chit-chat. I usually try to keep my head down, but this time my eyes got the better of me. I couldn’t help but watch and listen.

A man marched through the front door. Chest up, he huffed and puffed all the way to to the back full of disdain at what he saw laying around him. Immediately grabbing a napkin and wiping a chair, he proceeded to attack the mess. He also decided to speak out from under his breath, saying, “This place is a mess.” He wanted his co-workers to hear. They did. Loud and clear.

Each belabored move to tackle crumbs, tables and spills, was all a message telling them, “You aren’t on it, but I am.”

A minute later, he pointed out two chairs and said, “Are those chairs supposed to be like that?”

He knew full well they weren’t. Then, he strutted over and fixed them. The two women employees next to me raised their eyebrows and gave each other the look, which I took to mean, “He’s up to it again…”

With their look, something pierced and shifted in me. Something called me to look within myself. Why? Because I knew his ludicrous behavior was also my ludicrous behavior. I am often, “up to it again.”

I speak a word under my breath, “Ugh…this place is such a mess.”

I send a silent message to my child, “Can’t anyone throw out these used paper towels on the counters?”

I leave a complaining spirit around my house, “He didn’t put his shoes away. Now, I have to do it.”

I am “up to it again” often.

I never knew how this practice appears. How it comes off. The arrogance of it. The looks it produces in people. The retaliation it produces. The spectacle of it all.

It makes me consider how I could approach things differently.

You know, the man could have come in and:

Chosen to connect with hearts by first caring for those around him.
Been straightforward with his request for help in cleaning up, saying, “Hey, would you all mind helping me clean up?”
Connected with others during the process.
Given thanks to them for helping him out.

I can do this too.

It was interesting as I watched this situation transpire. The women retaliated and called the man out on his “junk.” They said, “Hey Jim, are these your bags of chips out here on the counter?”

They were. Embarrassed, Jim walked back to pick them up.

None of us are perfect. Usually, what we huff and puff about are things we are equally guilty of.

Why not give everyone a break? Ourselves included.
Why not be honest? In need? Straightforward?

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Eph. 4:24

Discover how to flee from fear and fly in faith through 4 Days to Fearless Challenge.

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7 Tips for Powerful Fellowship Time with God

August 22, 2017

purposefulfaith

awe, blessings, Contentment, doubt, faith

21 Comments

My confession to you is this: I’ve gone lax on spending time with God. Things are busy. Family needs are high. People need stuff. Kids have just a little time left before they go back to school. We are looking for a new home. We are having issues with our current new home. We are in a new place with new stuff to figure out. There’s too much to do. (Insert my thousand other excuses here).

Life needs tackling, so I’ve done just that: tackled life alone….

…blazing ahead according to my thoughts, telling others what they need to do, fretting details, wondering why God hasn’t given me better answers, waiting poorly, pushing around like a bull in a China shop…

…until this morning, when I finally settled and heard God’s voice. It essentially said, “Kelly, the quiet place is your victory place. Here, you learn what you desperately need to know. Here, protection and covering push out sin and shame. Clarity trumps confusion, hope beats impatience and love rules over isolation. I put things in your heart in this place.”

Yes, God!!! I want that!

I couldn’t help but think God was right.

My victory is always found in the quiet. It is found in searching out God, in reading his Word, in praying, in seeking, in noticing, in abiding, in trusting, in faith, in praise, in thanksgiving, in expectant hoping, in longing, in asking.

God is right. This is my victory. And it is not one God casually calls me to. It is one that is critically important for me to respond to.

God gives us all a standing invitation to come into fellowship and communion with him, everyday, every moment. Do we respond? Or, like me, do we turn to other pressing issues, people, problems and life happenings?

Today, hear this word like an alarm: Responding to God is serious business.

Failed fellowship means we could:

– miss a word that could change our whole outlook on our horrible and frustrating ever-present situation.

– be unable to find God’s compassionate heart for that person we are so angry at.

– forego insight into that outstanding question we just can’t figure out.

– divert God’s love and walk in anxiety, worry and anger day after day.

– see no life change when God has huge transformation waiting for us.

– walk in the flesh, rather than the renewal Jesus prepared for us.

– miss the leadings of the Holy Spirit that will help us love, care and minister to our family in powerful ways.

– stay in a rut

Our “I’m busy, I’ll meet with God later” and “He can wait” moments don’t steal from God. They steal from us the very best God wants to give. We miss his gems. The transformation He’s prepared for us to dig up.

Obedience is quiet patience, securing us in God’s providence. Why would we ever want to miss that?

7 Tips to Powerful Fellowship Time with God: