What happened is, they never really thought that much of me.
It started early. Everyone doubted me. They didn’t really think I could.
Could what? It didn’t matter. It just mattered a whole lot what they thought. And what they didn’t I could as it pertained to my appearance, success, future and abilities.
I remember in high school, I got some votes for, “The Best Girl, All Around.” Because I happened to be helping count the votes, I considered the ramifications of cheating just a little… and writing my name on a couple extra vote slips. I wanted to win. I wanted that endorsement.
I didn’t do it. Thank God, I didn’t.
But the fact still remains that I wanted to. I wanted validation. Because somehow their votes of confidence were also mine. If they didn’t believe, how could I? How could I really believe I was good? How could I even try when no one ever thought much of me to begin with, or told me how to succeed, or gave me instructions on how to improve everything?
Today, at my son’s soccer game, I reflected back to decades ago when I was the 4-foot goalie. If someone scored on me, shame crawled my skin. It was as if I exposed my lack and everyone could see my nakedness.
“She won’t amount to much…”
“She can’t really…”
“What a waste…”
What have you heard? What have others made you believe about yourself?
There is this thing in the writing world. You are supposed to get endorsements for a book. It feels like accumulating votes.
“Kelly is the best girl, all around…”
“Kelly is wanted…”
“Kelly is worth it…”
“I believe in her, so you should too…”
But Jesus. Jesus didn’t care about votes of high and lofty words. He calls me to something different. To act a different way. He calls me to an attitude adjustment.
“Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mt. 20:26-28
The last go first with Jesus.
The servants are honored in spiritual realms.
The humble inherit the kingdom.
The pure in heart see God.
The low are high in God’s eyes.
The unseen are always seen from the Lord’s view.
The heart is paramount in all ways, at all times.
The neglected are tended to forevermore.
I don’t need to be seen by man. I just need to cultivate a pure heart and permit it to be seen to God. I don’t need accolades or people behind me. I just need God there, supporting me. I don’t need applause. I just need to know the heavens have my back. I don’t need more worth from votes, reviews or cheering crowds. I just need God’s love that fills my every hole of despair.
What about you? What do you need?
Kelly’s new book, Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears has been called “A must read,” “Breathtakingly honest” and a “Great Toolbox to Overcome Fear.” Read it today.
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11 CommentsLeave a comment
So good to remember Jesus accepts us “as is.” We don’t have to prove anything. Good news, indeed.
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Oh, how I needed this right now. I was just thinking about the need to prove myself just before I read this…God is so faithful to speak to us in so many ways! Thank you!
Thank you for this warning against using our own broken yard sticks to measure our worth!
To be great, I must be a servant. Oh how that truth has been everywhere I turn lately. I can not be great for Gid my way. He is not a product to sell, a new mindset to adopt or an agenda to push. God is a heart changer and only He can bring that about. All I can do is be obedient and serve underneath Him. Thank you for this amazing reminder and for today’s link up!
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I need to know I’m making a difference. I don’t like accolades. They make me uncomfortable, but I love hearing that something I did, said, wrote…made a difference in peoples lives, but even that could get out of balance if you let it. We have to make sure HE is what we need MOST 🙂 Thanks for sharing your heart.
Your post really encouraged me today. “I just need to cultivate a pure heart and commit it to be seen by God.” Where He leads me I will follow. I’m so thankful that He guides my steps and I don’t have to fret and worry about making things perfect in order to prove anything. God bless you Kelly!
Amen! So grateful He fills the gaps in who I am, and has called me (and you!) WORTHY!
You hit it out of the park with this one Kelly. Really spoke to me this morning. xx